


I Want to Tell You- (MEZZO" IDOLiSH7)

by AuraMedusa, Nocturnal_Lucky_Clovers_5997



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Depression, Drunk Ousaka Sougo, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Momo and Yuki save the day, Re:vale cameo, Sick Sougo, They are suffering, brief gore scene, yandere!Sougo cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23798668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuraMedusa/pseuds/AuraMedusa, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocturnal_Lucky_Clovers_5997/pseuds/Nocturnal_Lucky_Clovers_5997
Summary: Sougo has found out about his feelings for Tamaki a while ago, but will the other return them?It started off with a dance practice between the two which was leading to something more intimate. Soon they turned to each other for comfort, but what came next, neither of them expected.A fluffy beginning transition into angst and a happy ending.
Relationships: Kujou Aya & Yotsuba Tamaki, Momo/Yuki (IDOLiSH7), Ousaka Sougo/Yotsuba Tamaki
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	1. These Moments With You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PrinceMewstar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceMewstar/gifts).



> I made this role play with my friend, Medusa, who played Sou-chan. My sis helped a bunch with editing. This was my second time writing a relationship so have grace lol. Hope you will have fun.~
> 
> Ps. Since this was the first role play we did together, we got better at writing with every chapter! So make sure to continue reading. ;)

**IDOLiSH7 MEZZO" - These Moments With You**

Sougo was reading in a novel he picked up at the bookstore last week. It was about a long-forgotten world hidden deep inside the earth. He really liked the descriptions of an ancient society living there.

They were far more advanced than the modern world. The writing style of the author gave him chills every time something exciting happened.

Suddenly, his RabbitChat notifications popped up. It was Tamaki.

**[Tamaki]**

**oh Sou-chan**

**IM CUMMIN**

_What?_ He scrolled up to the previous messages to follow the conversation. _What is all that talking about ''coming/cumming'' about?_

Sougo skipped over some of them when he read 'something explicit'. _Oh... OHH!_ His cheeks turned red at the thought of Tamaki... 'cumming.' But Sougo was pretty sure the younger member of IDOLiSH7 didn't know what was meant here. _Right?_

Tamaki ran down the hallway without his shoes on, feet slapping the wood floor. He burst into Sougo's room with a big, satisfied smile on his face. "I finished my work, Sou-chan!"

Sougo looked up from his phone, still blushing deeply. "Ahh... good work, Tamaki-kun. You finished quickly." Sougo's mind — still lingering over the RabbitChat conversations — was suddenly aware of the ambiguity of his words. "Ahh. I-I mean, you finished your work quickly... "

Tamaki couldn't understand why Sougo was so red, but he ignored it. Maybe it was hot in the room... "Oh! Thanks!" Tamaki said. "Wanna get working on the dance move?"

"Aah... right. The dance move... " Sougo trailed off. Looking at Tamaki's face while he was in his one-track mindset didn't really help the warm feeling spreading from his cheeks to his lower body half.

It would be a problem if Tamaki noticed. So he really needed to excuse himself and take care of it first.

"Umm, yes, we can do that..." Sougo said. "I just have to take care of something first. Just give me a few minutes before we practice... I have to head to the bathroom first..."

Being as subtle as possible, he slid past Tamaki. Sougo hung his head low and turned his back so Tamaki wouldn't notice any 'growing problems.'

Sougo raced to the bathroom, shut the door, and locked it with shaking hands. _That was close..._

 _Welp._ Now Tamaki was in the middle of Sougo's room and kinda staring with his mouth open, not knowing what just happened. Tamaki was known to be dumb, but he did notice when people were acting strange.

Tamaki sat on Sougo's bed. _Uhh, did Sou-chan seem uncomfortable? Why was he so red! I didn't do anything! Maybe he is mad at me...? Uh oh, but Sou-chan said not everything is about me._

"JEEZ!" Tamaki threw his hands in the air and flopped on the bed. It was silent in the room. The only thing Tamaki could hear was his own heartbeat and... wait, what was that? _Sounds like... Ryuu singing._

Then came something vibrating against his arm. Tamaki might have screamed kinda loud.

"Sou-chan! YOUR PHONE IS RINGING!" Tamaki picked up the phone and ran to the bathroom.

Once Sougo was safe in the bathroom, some of the pressure had already slipped away. _Alright, I got this. I can just calm down, and no one needs to know._

He had a bad feeling about leaving Tamaki in his room without any explanation, but it was for his own good. Sougo looked in the mirror just to see how red he actually was and hurried to the sink. He splashed some cold water on his face and took some deep breaths, already feeling calmer.

Suddenly he heard Tamaki calling his name and something about his phone ringing. A moment later, there was knocking at the bathroom door.

"You can just decline the call, Tamaki-kun!" Sougo said. "Whoever it is, I will call them back later!"

"Okayyyy!" Tamaki yelled through the door. "You coming out soon? You've been taking like ten minutes! I'mma mess around, okayyy?"

"Yes. I'll come back soon!" Sougo called through the door.

Tamaki declined the call and walked back to Sougo's bedroom, already forgetting what he was doing. He took a minute to look at the pictures on the walls. There were pictures of everyone. A lot of them were of him and Sougo... _A lotta MEZZO" pics..._

Tamaki got bored and just plopped on the floor, head in his hands. He really wanted to dance with Sougo, but he was getting impatient.

Sougo spent the last ten minutes pacing around in the bathroom and splashing cold water on himself to calm down. He already felt a lot better. _I think it's not dangerous anymore._

Sougo took a last, deep breath, his fingers already gripping the door handle. He unlocked it and returned to his room, where he found Tamaki sitting on the floor.

"Ah, you were patient," Sougo said. "Thank you. Did you see whose Caller ID it was?"

"Oh!" Tamaki grinned. "Finally out! It was probably Manager telling us we have another job soon so we better practice quick!" He stood and gave him the phone.

Sougo unlocked it. He checked the recent calls, only to find the name 'Tsunashi-san' at the top of the list. "Ahhh, and I missed it, what a shame!" Sougo paused. "I wonder what he wanted... "

Tamaki leaned over to see. "Ohhh, him? You can give him a call in a bit! Let's dance!"

Tamaki took Sougo by the waist and hoisted him in the air. He was... _heavy_. "OOF!"

Before he knew it, they were both on the floor.

Sougo was barely able to throw his phone on his bed to prevent it from falling and breaking when Tamaki grabbed him. Everything else happened so fast that he hadn't had a chance to react at all.

The next thing Sougo knew, he was lying on top of Tamaki, his nose buried into his blue hair, inhaling the other's scent deeply.

Sougo stayed like that for a few seconds until he regained his senses. He backed away from the younger boy, only to hesitantly get close again. "Tamaki-kun! Are you hurt?!"

Tamaki couldn't help but laugh. "Sou-chan, you are too heavy! Aha ha ha! I'm fine." He bopped Sougo on the head. _Remember, we're still super close... on the floor!_

"I-I'm not heavy!" Sougo was slightly offended by that comment. But he swallowed any other remarks he wanted to say and just looked at Tamaki's face, which was too close for him to feel comfortable. _If the evening goes on like this, I really need to have a drink... or two... or maybe more._

Tamaki pulled him up and held out his hand. "Wanna try again?"

Sougo looked up at Tamaki. "You really want to try this again? Are you sure this time it will work? Because I don't want to spend my evening crashing to the floor." Sougo could already imagine his aching bones.

Tamaki immediately regretted saying it. Then he felt a little sad. "Ah, I didn't mean it like that. Sorry, Sou-chan. But don't worry! I got you! I won't let you fall again." He held out his hand again, smiling.

Sougo sighed and allowed himself to be pulled up by his dancing partner. "Alright, then. I trust you not to let either of us fall again... "

"Alright!" Tamaki squared his shoulders and brought Sougo into the air, twirling around. This time, they did not fall. _He's not that heavy. I'm just dumb._

It was the first time the duo tried such a dance move. Sougo felt himself being lifted into the air again and — acting on reflex — he wrapped his arms around Tamaki's neck.

There was a growing feeling as if thousands of butterflies were flying around in Sougo's stomach. His grip on the other mezzo member tightened. _I'm glad we're doing this without any music. I couldn't stand hearing our voices singing the lyrics of our songs while we're in this position... especially not Koi no kakera..._

Tamaki was in full focus! All he could think about was " _Don't drop Sou-chan!"_ over and over again. He felt his grip tighten on the male too.

 _Woah, this is really close._ Tamaki started laughing and had to stop. He fell down due to dizziness and kinda curled up into a ball. "Sou-chan! I'm dizzy!" Tamaki grinned.

Sougo stumbled back until he could sit down on his bed, feeling quite dizzy himself. "Yes, I am too. Maybe we should take a break."

Sougo remained silent until the world around him stopped moving, then he got up from his mattress. "I need to refresh myself anyway."

He gave Tamaki a small smile before he left the room, heading to the kitchen. When he opened the fridge, his eyes were scanning the items until they found what they were looking for. _I hope Yamato doesn't mind if I take some of his beer._ He opened one can and gulped down its contents as fast as he could, before opening a second beer.

After a moment, Tamaki followed after him. "I want something too!" He went out the door and into the kitchen, seeing Sougo really getting into that can. It made him thirsty too. "Manager said that you shouldn't drink, Sou-chan! We have a show tomorrow!" He looked inside the fridge and got a King Pudding, ripping off the top.

Sougo had already finished his second can and was opening the third when Tamaki joined him in the kitchen. Alcohol always needed some time to kick in, but Sougo had emptied his beer very fast, and he was quick to get drunk.

Sougo was already in a state where he heard the words 'We have a show tomorrow' but couldn't process the meaning lying behind them anymore.

"Right, riiiight," was the only thing out of Sougo's mouth before the contents of the third — and last can from the fridge — poured down his throat. The dizziness from before was returning. He swayed before he laid his head on the table, trying to rest while the effects of the alcohol grew stronger.

Tamaki hurried over by his side. He knew Sougo was drunk already. Or at least tipsy. "Sou-chan! You ok?" He rested a hand against Sougo's head. _Doesn't seem to be sick._ "Let's sit down, ok?" He tugged on his arm.

Sougo's sight was already a bit cloudy when Tamaki appeared in front of him and tugged at his arm. The latter's silhouette was switching between blurring and becoming clear again in front of his unfocused eyes. He sighed deeply, the smell of booze escaping his mouth.

Suddenly, in his dazed state, Sougo remembered the missed phone call from earlier and felt the urge to call back _immediately_. "Need to call back... now," he mumbled. "Take me back to my room... "

Tamaki was confused. Why did he need to call him right _now_? Tamaki did as he was told, not really knowing what was going on. He kept a firm but gentle grip on Sougo's arm as he led him to his room.

On the way back to his room, there were a few moments when Sougo's legs almost gave out, and his partner had to prevent him from falling.

But they steadily continued until he was standing right in front of his bed.

Sougo flopped down on it unceremoniously, and snatched up his phone from the bed, calling Ryuu. The alcohol was kicking in harder, and his cheeks began to flush red.

The phone rang a few times on the other end before someone picked up. "Tsunashi-saaan. I want to dance with youuu…" Sougo slurred. "Hmm? ... Yeah, it's Sougo-kun here. Ahaha! ... Yes, right nooow!"

Tamaki was even more confused. _Why is Sou-chan being all friendly with Ryuu-aniki and not with me? Ah, not everything is about me! Right._ He pouted a little and sat on the floor again, waiting for the phone call to finish.

"Why is it not possible?" Sougo whined. "Awww. But it's the only way I'm able to focus... Another day? Hmhm... I'm gonna think about it... You will? ... Thanks, Tsunashi-san! You're the best! … Yes! See you soon."

Sougo hung up and put the phone on his bedside table, slumping down on his sheets.

Tamaki felt weird seeing Sougo all smiley and red while talking to Ryuu-aniki... When Sougo fell down on his bed after he hung up, Tamaki crawled over to him and stared at him like an angry cat. "What's that?"

Sougo was just being able to make out Tamaki's angry face despite his clouded view, smiling innocently at the younger boy. "Taa-kun, whaddya mean?"

"Why you wanna dance with Ryuu-aniki right after dancing with me? How can I make you focus?" Tamaki set his arms crossed on the bed and lay on them, still staring at Sougo.

Of course, Sougo didn't realize what's wrong. His senses were all confused due to the alcohol. Sougo frowned slightly before smiling again. "I like dancin' 'n singin'. Taa-kun's bein' stupid!"

Tamaki couldn't help but laugh, already forgetting the weird feeling in his chest just a moment ago. "You finally got it right!"

Sougo couldn't really connect any coherent thoughts. "Let's play a game!" He rolled to his side and tried to sit up a bit and leaned against the back of his bed. "I wanna play truth or dare!"

Tamaki climbed up on the bed next to him, eager to play with Sougo. "Ohhhh! Okay! Lemmie go first! Truth or dare?"

Tamaki's eyes were full of mischief and excitement. They were sitting really close... but Tamaki didn't mind.

Sougo was enjoying himself way too much in his high state. His inhibition level was lowered by the alcohol, and he was feeling brave. "I want a dare, gimme a dare! Ahaha!" He laughed out loud, slightly bumping his shoulder into Tamaki's.

Tamaki stifled a laugh at how weird Sougo was being. He let Sougo keep his shoulder there. _Sou-chan is nice if I'm nice back._ "I dare you to eat a King Pudding without your hands!"

"I can do it!" Sougo claimed confidently. He tried to get up to bring some pudding from the kitchen, only to fall back onto his bed. "Umph! ... Agaaain~"

Sougo tried again with the same result. He looked around helpless, and a pout formed on his lips.

Tamaki patted Sougo's head, thinking he kinda looked like a puppy stumbling all around. "Alright, I'll get it for you! Don't go nowhere!" He pushed down on Sougo's shoulders to stick him in place, then stood to go get the pudding.

Sougo was in the mood to play, and he was running out of patience very fast. He looked around his room for something that could distract him until Tamaki returned. His eyes found a black ink pen on his bedside table.

He reached for it and tried to spin it around his fingers, which wasn't as easy as it always looked like... especially not when drunk.

Staring at it intensely, Sougo remembered how some school girls back in his middle school scribbled something on their hands. Sometimes they drew pictures. At other times, they even wrote the names of their crushes down.

Sougo never did such a thing, but right now, it really sounded like fun. _Hmm... What can I draw? Taa-kun always draws puddings..._ He scribbled a tiny King Pudding on the palm of his left hand.

It really resembled Tamaki's drawings, so he added an 'mp' on the pudding's body. _Hehe, that looks like him._ He looked at it for a moment, then he wrote the words 'I love Taa-kun' below his drawing. Sougo giggled happily like a schoolgirl who fell in love for the first time.

Tamaki burst through the door with a smile on his face and pudding in his hands. Of course, he brought two.

Tamaki didn't want to miss out on any fun. "Sou-chan! I got them!" He was in the middle of handing Sougo the container when he spotted something on his hand. "What's that?" He pointed to Sougo's raised hand.

"Hmm? Waddya mean... is my hand." Sougo laughed. "Taa-kun's really stupid todayyy." He took the pudding from Tamaki, unintentionally hiding his hand behind the package while doing so. "So how do I do this dare?" He looked at the pudding questioningly.

Tamaki thought maybe it was just the shadow of his hand and forgot about it. _I am dumb, after all._ "You gotta put the cup down on your tummy, and you gotta bend over to eat it," Tamaki explained. "Or however. Just you can't pick it up with your hands!"

"Ahh... so..." Sougo opened the pudding, set it on his bedside table, and carefully leaned over it to not lose his balance since he was still very dizzy. Slowly, he stuck out his tongue, dipping it into the creamy dessert, and began licking at the pudding like a kitten.

Tamaki exploded into laughter. He couldn't hold it in this time. He got closer to get a better shot and took a few pictures for later. Tamaki pet Sougo on his head, still laughing. "Yeah, like that!"

Sougo stared at him with glossy eyes — still blushing from the alcohol — and continued lapping the pudding. After he finished as much as he could without using his hands, he got up and licked his lips seductively. "It's _my_ turn now. Truuuth or daaare?"

Tamaki, to his surprise, felt his cheeks heat, eyes drawing to Sougo's lips. He couldn't help it. Sou-chan was acting like a feline. _Guess this is why Iorin likes cats._

Maybe it was hot in the room... Tamaki was getting kinda nervous but said, "Dare." He didn't wanna seem like a coward in front of Sougo.

The exhaustion from the dance practice earlier and the alcohol in his blood was making Sougo more and more drowsy. He yawned before he heard his unit partner utter the word 'Dare,' who looked at him expectantly.

"Hmm... 'm gettin' tired... " Sougo flopped onto his back, his head lying on his pillow. He thought for a moment, looking at Tamaki's face illuminated by the dim light in his room.

Suddenly, Sougo felt the urge to embrace the warmth of the younger boy's body and not let go of it any time soon. "I dare you... to sleep by my side tonight!" He grinned sleepily.

Well, that was unexpected. Tamaki had never slept next to anyone before… not since his parents died when he was a kid. And making friends had been hard at the orphanage after Aya was adopted.

Tamaki found Sougo was getting blurry. _Shoot, Sou-chan is making me cry again._ Tamaki smiled and said, "S-sure!" He climbed onto the bed as well and laid down. He blinked away the tears. His heart was racing... Sougo's face was so close to him...

Sougo was satisfied with the answer, and his eyes were already falling shut. He felt the mattress sink beside him and opened his eyes slightly to look at Tamaki. Still lying on his back, Sougo patted one hand on his chest. "Want Taa-kun to lie here. 's better to cuddle," he reasoned.

Woah now that was too close... but... _Sou-chan is being weird right now._ It should be fine. _Time to try out what cuddling would be like._

Hesitantly, Tamaki inched closer. He didn't want to make him mad, but he said that he could... It was his dare too. "Mmmhhph, this is a little weird Sou-chan. But... just this one time."

Tamaki, with his face all red, slowly lowered himself on top of the other male. He didn't want to crush him with his weight. They were fully clothed, and they didn't clean up, but that wasn't something Tamaki hadn't done before. _Maybe this is okay... if he finds out in the morning I wonder if it will still be fine..._

That made Tamaki a little scared, and he clutched Sougo's shirt. For some reason, Tamaki felt funny. He didn't want to let go either.

Sougo watched his movements closely, smiling in triumph. And as soon as he felt Tamaki's weight settle down on him, he wrapped his arms around the younger boy, clutching him close to his chest like a stuffed animal.

One of Sougo's hands threaded its way through Tamaki's long hair, stroking it softly. "Good boy... " Sougo mumbled. His breathing evened out and he drifted off into a deep sleep.

Tamaki couldn't believe what was happening. Sougo never petted Tamaki. Only Tamaki petted Sougo. And sometimes got yelled at. But Sougo was being weird right now. _This feels okay_.

Tamaki laid his head on Sougo's chest, listening to his slowing heartbeat as he fell asleep.

Tamaki liked getting praise. Tamaki couldn't help but think Sougo was really pretty when he was sleeping. Secretly, Tamaki put his hands through Sougo's hair. He didn't want to wake him up. _So soft!_ Tamaki kept petting him. _Uh oh. I can't stop. Must stop before Sou-chan wakes up..._ He pulled his hand away and instead moved to have one arm around the other male. _No way I can fall asleep. It's only eleven!_

Tamaki didn't usually go to bed until four in the morning because he played Gacha games under the covers all night. Tamaki had a hard time falling asleep.

But maybe... maybe he could fall asleep. _So... warm... waaahgg..._

Before he knew it, he was already sleeping... with Sougo in his arms.

— **The next morning —**

Many hours had passed when Sougo awoke. His body ached like he didn't sleep at all, and no matter how long he pondered on what he was doing last night, he couldn't remember what happened after their dance practice.

It was then when he felt a foreign weight on his chest and heard deep breaths that weren't his own. Sougo slowly opened his eyes, just to be greeted with a head of light blue hair.

Panic crept into him when he recognized who the owner of said hair was. _W-why is Tamaki-kun lying on my chest? Seriously what happened last night?_

In addition to that, Sougo found his hand tangled in Tamaki's hair, and it was surprisingly soft... Sougo subconsciously ran his hand through the blue strands. _Ahh... this sure feels nice..._

A warm feeling spread through Sougo's body and his cheeks flushed red. Realizing what he was doing, his pulse increased in speed, and he felt his heart pounding against the younger boy's head.

Sougo hoped it wouldn't wake him up because he was sure it would betray his feelings if noticed. Sougo tried to calm his nerves and decided to get more information on what happened. He reached for the phone lying on his bedside table using his free hand.

Sougo opened RabbitChat, asking the other members for more details:

**[Sougo]**

**Can anyone tell me what happened after we returned to the dorms last evening? Ugh... my head hurts.**

Tamaki was still knocked out. Not getting enough sleep for the past few months really took a toll.

Tamaki was dreaming at the time of eating King Pudding with Sougo, but then they came to life and started jumping all over them, and the puddings pushed Tamaki and Sougo together. They were basically hugging. But the even weirder part was that Sougo hugged him. Tamaki returned the hug and then BOOM!

They were both puddings. And now the two puddings were cuddling.

 _Oops._ Tamaki woke up. "Mmmgghhh... " Tamaki tried to turn but found the bed was squishier than usual. His eyes popped open. Or at least they tried to.

**[Iori]**

**... You drank against Manager's wishes, didn't you?**

The first one to answer Sougo's question was Iori, asking if he was drinking again and reminding him that they would have a show later on. _Drinking, huh…_

Sougo's embarrassment only grew when he noticed what he had written into the public chat minutes before.

**[Sougo]**

**Ah.. I don't remember anything that happened after finishing work yesterday. And when I just woke up Tamaki was lying on my chest and my hand was tangled in his hair...**

_Oh no…_ He would have to deal with the consequences of that later.

First, he needed to know what exactly happened, since the lack of knowledge was killing him. But none of the other members were replying yet.

Sougo felt something shift under his other hand and looked up from his phone, only to find half-lidded blue eyes staring back into his own.

Tamaki lifted his head. "Sou-channn... " His eyes were still lidded with sleep.

"Kya!" Sougo couldn't prevent the squeal from leaving his mouth. The panic from earlier crept back into him because he still hadn't thought of a strategy to deal with this situation.

Sougo wasn't prepared for Tamaki waking up in the same bed as him. _Can you ever be ready for something like that?_

Sougo froze, his heart hammering against his ribcage, trying to jump out of his chest.

"Sou-chan, you look scared... what happened?" Tamaki yawned. _Sou-chan's heart is really beating fast._

The light from the phone screen illuminated Sougo's features. He was all red. _Maybe hangover._

Tamaki reached up and touched Sougo on his forehead, checking his temperature. "You're hot."

Sougo's mind was slowly catching up with the situation. He let out a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding, and tried to fill his lungs with oxygen again.

Tamaki's cold hand resting against his forehead was a pleasant feeling. _This isn't good... what if he finds out..._

Sougo pulled his pillow from under his head and buried his face in it. His body was trembling. "I-It's nothing." He felt much safer now that Tamaki couldn't see his face anymore. Sougo concentrated all his willpower on calming his unsteady breathing.

Tamaki knew something was up. _Sou-chan is sick!_ Tamaki scooted closer to him, face full of concern. _Oh no, hangover. He doesn't remember._

Now Tamaki was sad. _Pout!_ "Sou-chan! Uh oh, you're sick!" Tamaki pulled the pillow away to look at Sougo's eyes.

Sougo avoided his gaze, headache worsening. "I-I'm not... " He covered his face with the back of his hand in embarrassment. "Did I... did I get drunk yesterday?"

He was sure he already knew the answer, but he felt the need to ask anyway. Even if it was just to distract Tamaki. "I don't remember anything... " Sougo's voice was croaky, and his mouth was dry.

Tamaki said, "Yeah. I told you not to, though! But you didn't listen to me!" Tamaki stared at him. He knew Sougo was getting uncomfortable. _Sober Sou-chan is different from drunk Sou-chan._ Tamaki got off of him but still stayed next to him.

 _So I really got drunk and forgot everything..._ again _ **.**_ _Great._ Sougo felt Tamaki move and slowly lowered his arm. Then he tried to sit up a little, aware of the dizziness accompanying the change of position.

Sougo was glad that his room wasn't on the east side of the building so that his hangover-induced sensitivity to light wasn't blasted with the morning sun. He sighed, leaning against the back of his bed.

"I'll get you some water!" Tamaki offered, trying his best to make his friend feel better. He started standing up.

"Thank you." Sougo was really thirsty by now, and it lifted his mood that he wasn't alone in his miserable state. "Actually, wait... can you bring me some aspirin too?" Sougo leaned onto his hands. "My head is killing me right now..."

"Okayyy!" Tamaki rushed to get it.

After Tamaki left the room, Sougo sighed again and raised his head. He vaguely spotted a picture of a King Pudding and a few words scribbled on the palm of his left hand. Some of the letters were already washed away by his sweat, but it was unmistakably Sougo's handwriting.

It was the only clue he had of what could have happened yesterday, so he tried to decipher them.

"I lov... I love? I love... Ta-k-n... Taa-kun, Wait... _What!?_ " Sogo cried.

It was the second time this morning that Sougo's face heated up. _Why did I..._ Right then, he really wanted to dig a hole and bury himself in it.

"Here you go, Sou-chan!" Tamaki came back quickly. He was trying to be really cheerful to make Sougo feel better.

Startled, Sougo nervously tried to hide his hand in his shirt. _I'll have to wash my hand as soon as possible._

Tamaki crouched down at Sougo's bedside... well, now both of their bedsides, and handed them to him. Water and aspirin.

Seeing Sougo freaking out like this — even if it was adorable — made Tamaki's heart hurt. He didn't want to be forgotten. That's when he decided. _I'm going to tell him what happened. Even if he might get angry at me. This time it_ is _all about me..._

Tamaki cleared his throat and looked him right in the eye. "Sou-chan, last night after I finished my school work, we practiced our dance move. We fell down one time, but after that, we didn't anymore. We tried again, and I didn't drop you."

"You got thirsty, so you went out to the kitchen. I was dizzy, so I followed later, but when I got to the kitchen, you already had three beers. I told you Manager would be mad, but it was too late. We went back to our room, and then you wanted to play truth or dare, so I dared you to eat pudding without your hands."

Tamaki laughed a little at the memory.

Tamaki continued, "Then you dared me to sleep next to you, then you fell asleep, so I was sleeping on top of you. That's what happened."

Tamaki's cheeks were a little heated. He didn't know why he felt like hiding too, but he didn't want Sougo to forget.

Sougo was speechless. For the first time that morning, he stared back into Tamaki's eyes. His brain was slowly processing the things he was just told. _So that's what happened..._

Sougo gulped down the aspirin together with the glass of water while searching for words. _I made Tamaki sleep on me through a dare? How desperate am I…? What will he think of me now…?_

Sougo bit his lower lip. _But he didn't say anything about the words on my hand. So maybe I was alone when I did that... ?_

Sougo was quiet for a while before he finally responded. "I see... Thank you for telling me. I remember the dance practice, but nothing beyond that... I'm sorry for causing you trouble."

Tamaki frowned and pat Sougo's head. "I'm not mad at you, Sou-chan. You were being nice to me! You weren't giving me trouble, Sou-chan! We had fun! So don't be sad!" He was trying his best to make Sougo feel better. The last thing he wanted was for Sougo to feel worse on top of his hangover, especially if it was about Tamaki. _It was really fun... let's do it again._

"I'm glad to hear that..." Sougo smiled a little. "I'm not sad... just..." he paused before amending, "exhausted."

MEZZO" had work later. Sougo still had to apologize to the manager, but he felt terrible. He swore that he'd never drink again in his entire life. _Ever._

Sougo looked back at the younger boy, who was watching him with a concerned expression. It made Sougo feel warm inside. "Thanks for cheering me up, Tamaki-kun."

Tamaki beamed. "No problem, Sou-chan! If you do feel sad, you can always cuddle me." _Oops._ Tamaki's insides heated. _Uh oh. Too late now. It's out now._

 _Huh?_ Sougo thought he misheard that, but the blush on Tamaki's face said otherwise. Now that he was thinking about it... Tamaki had willingly slept in the same bed with him last night, right? _Yeah, but it was a dare, and he's too stubborn to refuse that..._

But Tamaki had been sleeping on top of him. When the dare was sleeping _next_ to Sougo, and Tamaki had one arm wrapped around him all night. _But he could have been dreaming of pudding or something..._

Maybe Sougo was just overthinking because he wanted to believe there was another reason behind Tamaki's actions.

Maybe _Tamaki_ was the one who needed to cuddle because he got lonely. That's why he always was so touchy with every other member of the group.

After all, he was like a lost child that craved physical contact sometimes. Sougo couldn't reject him then. And maybe he might need some consolation once in a while. _Cuddling won't be so bad... if it's only a little._ "Thanks," Sougo said. "I will keep that in mind."

Tamaki's insides were screaming. _Quiet down, baka._ Tamaki couldn't help but smile. "Okay!"

Tamaki did like to play around with every member of the group. Now he could play with Sou-chan too.


	2. I'm sorry... I love you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Angst!~

**IDOLiSH7 MEZZO" - I'm sorry… I love you…**

Tamaki was sitting at the kitchen table, playing games on his phone when RabbitChat blew up.

"Ugh," Tamaki grunted and checked the app.

Momo had posted a list of punishments he found saved in Yuki's phone, and the conversation went from there. Tamaki mentioned how he didn't mind being punished if it were Sougo. Sougo said:

**[Sougo]**

**I wouldn't say I punish Tamaki-kun often.. only if it's necessary. And only if he did something really bad.**

Tamaki talked about the time when he punched his dad, and Sougo sounded sad.

Sougo tried to reassure Tamaki, saying how he had gotten better and that it was not his fault. Sougo said:

**[Sougo]**

**I wouldn't know what to do if my father suddenly appeared like that after all… I …**

When Tamaki read that message, he was a little confused. Sougo didn't talk about his dad much. He did remember when Sougo told everyone about his past, which made Tamaki sympathize with him. That was when Tamaki understood him for the first time.

It made Tamaki's heart hurt. That was when he posted:

**[Tamaki]**

**Sou-chan I'm coming over there to give u a hug!**

Sougo must have been upset. Tamaki just wanted to make him feel better.

Tamaki stood up, stretched a little, and headed to Sougo's room.

Sougo was sitting on the lavender-colored bed in his room absentmindedly reading the RabbitChat. It had been a long day for him, and he just wanted to relax and do nothing for the rest of the evening.

The conversation drifted off in a strange direction again. Suddenly the topic was that Sougo is sometimes punishing Tamaki… and the latter was even writing he didn't mind that!

Sougo lifted a brow. _But he's always saying that I'm scary. And now he doesn't mind if I punish him, because I want to make him a better person?_

Sougo least expected Tamaki to bring the time up when he involuntarily met his father at that TV studio. Sougo remembered the day (and the chaos) as if it was yesterday. He couldn't blame Tamaki for that… The younger boy wasn't in control of his reasoning anymore, and he may have overreacted. Still, Sougo just saw a hurt boy who was suddenly confronted with his past.

It triggered something deep inside of him, because he knew how it felt to be misunderstood, lonely, hurt…

He replied in RabbitChat with what he thought was consoling. Even though nobody could see his face in the chat, Tamaki must have picked up his sadness.

Sougo wasn't sure how to react, at first. Loneliness was growing inside him. He hesitated before he wrote back:

**[Sougo]**

**O… okay… I think this time I could need one.**

A few minutes later, Tamaki came in through the door and launched himself at Sugo. He full-out tackled the other member, almost making them fall from Sougo's bed. "Don't feel sad, Sou-chan! I'm here now." Even though Tamaki was known for his strength, his embrace was soft.

It happened so fast that Sougo's reflexes made him stiffen up in the embrace. It took a few seconds before Sougo was able to complain, "T-Tamaki-kun! Don't startle me like that!"

Sougo was pressed flat against Tamaki. The warmth made him loosen up bit by bit. He hid his embarrassment by burying his face into the crook of Tamaki's neck. But the comforting gesture was tearing down the protective walls he had built around his heart for years, and suddenly the sadness he had tried to suppress welled up.

Tears were forming in Sougo's eyes, slowly running down his cheeks and meeting the skin of Tamaki's shoulder and neck. His body trembled slightly when he tried to stifle a small sob.

It broke Tamaki's heart to hear Sougo hurting. _He's crying…_ Tamaki had not seen Sougo cry before. "Sorry for scaring you, Sou-chan." He held him tighter. "Don't cry… it's alright!"

Tamaki felt his own tears coming. He hated crying in front of other people. But if it was Sougo, it was okay.

When Sougo was a kid, he didn't have many friends. Mostly because he had to stay in the house all day and study instead of meeting his classmates and doing something just for fun. Sougo was expected to succeed in the family's company when he grew up. His father made sure that his child wasn't wasting time with any 'unnecessary hobbies.' When Sougo did something wrong, he was screamed at. And when he did something by himself of his own free will, he wasn't praised. That was why his self-confidence crumbled over the years, and he started hating himself.

The only silver lining on the horizon was music. Every time Sougo listened to his favorite bands and supported them by buying their CDs, he felt as if he could like himself a little bit more.

And then his uncle died.

The only person who had understood him. His whole family spoke ill of him, even his funeral didn't stop them.

It was then that Sougo decided to prove them wrong. To follow his own dreams for the first time in his life. He dropped out of college, and his father disowned him. But he couldn't give up on music. He couldn't.

Sougo had learned to suppress any negative feelings because he would either get yelled at or be ignored. He always swallowed his anger and sadness. Even though Sougo knew, deep down, it wasn't healthy to bottle everything up.

He just felt too vulnerable to let himself go.

And here he was.. held tight by Tamaki, his emotional walls slowly falling apart. He put his arms around the younger boy's back and clutched the fabric of his shirt. Unable to hold his feelings in anymore, he finally let them break free and began openly crying into Tamaki's chest.

Tamaki didn't know what to do with a crying Sougo in his arms. He knew he should say something kind, but… what? Tamaki was only really good at comforting his sister, but now he was a little rusty. Tamaki decided to give it a try.

Tamaki stroked Sougo's hair and murmured, "It's okay, Sou-chan… You don't have to hold it in anymore. It's okay… " Sad Sougo was making Tamaki feel sad too.

Sougo shook uncontrollably as he cried, and all the stress and grief that had built up over the years steadily flowed out of him. He felt Tamaki's hand gently stroking his hair.

Tamaki's other arm was pressed around Sougo's back protectively.

It took a few more minutes until Sougo's crying ceased, and he was left with the after-effects. His body was still trembling, and his breathing unsteady. Crying always made him feel miserable and exhausted afterward, but this time he felt genuinely relieved.

The soothing gesture slowly calmed Sougo. His tears subsided while he nuzzled his face into the other boy's neck.

Before Tamaki knew it, his own tears were streaming down his face.

Tamaki had a hard time making friends at the orphanage, and his adopted family always criticized him. He didn't want Sougo to go through the same sadness, but it was too late.

Sougo's mind was still foggy, and so he didn't notice immediately that Tamaki also started crying. It was only when some of the younger boy's tears fell on his exposed skin that he realized what was happening. _Oh no… This is all my fault._ The only thing he could do was stroke his partner's back and cling to him even more.

"It's okay, Sou-chan! I'm not sad!" Tamaki pulled away enough so Sougo could see his face. Though he was a little messy, he smiled. Tamaki couldn't help but feel ridiculous. He knew how bad he must have looked. Tamaki started cracking up. "Today was crazy, huh!"

Tamaki swiped his face. Even though he didn't truly feel happy, he wanted to cheer up his partner. Nothing like a smile to brighten someone's day.

Sougo's eyes were slightly reddened, and his cheeks were tear-stained as he looked up at Tamaki's face.

"I-I'm sorry, Tamaki-kun… I don't know what came over me." Sougo tried to smile reassuringly. "But I feel much better now that I let it all out… Thanks." He didn't want to let go just yet and kept his grip on the fabric of Tamaki's shirt.

When Sougo looked closely at his face, he observed that while Tamaki's lips were smiling, his eyes were not.

"Are you… really okay?" Sougo asked in a low tone.

_Uh oh._

Tamaki didn't know if he should tell the truth or not. He didn't want to make Sougo worry right after he felt better. But… Sougo would be upset if Tamaki didn't tell him everything. They had promised before that they wouldn't keep things from each other anymore anyways…

Tamaki dropped the smile, leaving behind a straight face with a twinge of loneliness. "Things are not the same without Aya… but for some reason, I don't feel as bad with you around." Tamaki hugged Sougo again.

Sougo knew that look of loneliness on the other's face too well because it was the same look he had often seen when he had stared into a mirror, doubting himself and his choices.

Right now, the younger boy needed someone to lean on. "I'm sure someday she will come back to you," Sougo said with a soft voice. "Until then, you can always rely on me… and the other members."

Sougo didn't know exactly when he had started to understand Tamaki. Probably after the incident with Tamaki's father…

All he knew was that the more time they spent together, the closer they became.

At some point, Sougo began asking himself if he held stronger feelings for Tamaki than just a normal friendship.

Sougo felt safe in Tamaki's embrace. And he already came to a conclusion a while ago. _I really love him, huh…_ But he wasn't ready yet to say those feelings out loud. He had to steel himself first and wait for the right opportunity.

Tamaki gave a watery smile. Even though Tamaki and Sougo would fight a lot… in the end, Sougo understood him. _He always seems to know what to say…_

"Thanks… " Tamaki pat Sougo's head, ruffling his hair. "You are too nice, Sou-chan." Tamaki chuckled. He was starting to believe Aya would come back too…

Sougo closed his eyes and blushed a little when his hair got ruffled. _I love it, but I also hate it when he does that… I hate to love it._ All those small gestures of affection were equally pleasant and painful ever since he figured out his feelings.

Sougo had once dreamed about him confessing to Tamaki, but the response he got was something along: 'I like you Sou-chan… but just as friends.' So even his subconscious was telling him not to rush into things. _And I don't want to destroy what we have right now… we finally understand each other._ He sighed.

"You are welcome." Sougo wasn't sure what to do. Then he remembered what he was doing before Tamaki came into his room. "Maybe we should get back into the RabbitChat conversation… I want to know what's going on between Re:vale." His eyes lit up when he thought about his favorite idols.

Tamaki liked messing with Sougo. He thought Sougo was cute when he was embarrassed. Although Tamaki was still technically a kid, he didn't think it was a problem to be so close to Sougo. And if people had a problem with it, they could say whatever. He wasn't going to change because of them.

Whenever Tamaki was with Sougo, he felt as if he could be himself. Usually, around others, he tried to act tough and show no emotion since that is what he was taught. Still, he didn't have to worry about being around Sougo.

Tamaki laughed and nodded. "Alright. You really admire them, huh?" He smoothed out Sougo's messy hair. It might have been Tamaki's fault it was messed up in the first place.

"Of course, I do! They are amazing. Their music, their voices, their performance, they really deserve to be called top idols!" He smiled brightly, his mood lifting again.

Sougo had gotten used to Tamaki's touch over time, so he didn't flinch away from it anymore (except when the younger boy startled him). But he couldn't control the warm feeling inside him that always accompanied those gestures and made him blush.

"Can you open your RabbitChat?" Sougo asked. "My phone is running out of power, but I want to know what we've missed."

"'Kay." Tamaki did so and found a stream of messages that went unread. Tamaki sat down next to Sougo on the bed and scooted closer so he could see.

Momo and Yuki were talking about how Banri knew a lot about the topic of punishments. Tamaki sent a message:

**[Tamaki]**

**OmO THIS IS WHY HE IS SO SCARY**

Tamaki shuddered, thinking of the horrible things Banri could do to him if Tamaki disobeyed. He didn't want to find out.

Sougo looked over Tamaki's shoulder to get a better view of the chat. His eyes skimmed over the previous messages. _What is this conversation?_ When the younger boy sent the text, Sougo couldn't help but chuckle at Tamaki's reaction.

Then Sougo logged in his own chat again. "I should probably inform the others why I'm not writing before my phone dies." He said:

**[Sougo]**

**Ah, Tamaki-kun is in my room now, so I send fewer messages. Just in case you wondered.**

**I'm mostly looking at his phone to read the chat.**

Sougo put his phone on his bedside table and plugged in the cable to recharge it before he returned to Tamaki's side.

Tamaki smirked before sending:

**[Tamaki]**

**stop breathing on my shoulderrrrr**

**owo**

He looked at Sougo to see his reaction, trying not to laugh. Too bad, he couldn't hold it in and rested his head against Sougo's.

Tamaki has become braver now that they have slept next to each other and shared a cry. The only other person Tamaki could do this with was Aya…

"I-I can't do anything about it when we're sitting so close!" Sougo complained in a defensive tone, but a small smile crept across his face when their heads touched. If it was possible, he wanted this moment to last forever.

It was fun for Tamaki to spend time with Sougo. Conversation in chat went on when Yuki said to Momo:

**[Yuki]**

**They say you marry someone similar to your parents, so it would make sense if it being me would make up for it.**

Tamaki frowned, sitting up straight. There they went on again about their parents… Tamaki scowled. His biological parents died when he was three. Still, his adopted parents were no good either — always bossing him around, telling Tamaki what he could and could not do. It made him feel sick. He typed back:

**[Tamaki]**

**what really?**

**guess i won't be marrying…**

Tamaki didn't know who or if he was going to marry in the future. But for some reason, it made Tamaki feel a strange pain in his chest. Tamaki instinctively grabbed Sougo's hand. _What's going on with me?_ Tamaki was confused.

Sougo felt Tamaki tense up beside him and looked back at the chat to see what's going on. _Oh great, they're continuing the parent topic…_ He thought sarcastically.

When he read Tamaki's message, he bit his lip, shifting uncomfortably on his bed. It was painful for him to read that the younger boy was unwilling to think of a future where he could get happily married, just because of a theory. And it was compromising Sougo's own chances that the other was willing to enter a relationship with him even further. But Sougo could also understand him. He wouldn't like to marry someone like his father too…

"Guess I won't either… " Sougo whispered in a low voice. And suddenly he felt Tamaki's hand in his own, warm and a bit sweaty. Sougo became acutely aware of his own rising body temperature, and his heartbeat was resounding in his ears. But despite his embarrassment, he didn't pull away, his fingers slowly closed around Tamaki's hand.

Tamaki felt slightly better. He was surprised Sougo returned the gesture, and Tamaki looked at the other male. Sougo was red… _Uh oh. Does that mean I am too? Don't move, don't move…_ He gave Sougo a smile, trying to make him calm down a little. He rubbed his thumb against Sougo's, trying not to startle him.

Sougo looked up from the chat just to find Tamaki's face as red as his own, sheepishly smiling back at him.

Sougo swallowed hard when the younger boy began rubbing his thumb in circles against his hand. It was nearly an unbearable sensation, and he had to close his eyes. _Why is this happening to me…_ He quietly groaned in desperation, shivering slightly from the touch.

Tamaki said in a hesitant voice, "It's okay, we'll be single together." _CRINGE! NOOO! TAKE IT BACK!_ Tamaki instantly regretted it, face heating.

Sougo wasn't prepared for the next words that were leaving Tamaki's lips. His eyes flung open again, and he was staring at the blue-haired boy, his mouth hanging open for a moment in disbelief. _Tamaki-kun wants to stay single, but together with me? Does that mean he wants us to be together… ?_

Even though it could've made Sougo happy under different circumstances, it didn't feel right to only stay by the side of someone he loved. Sougo would want to aim for a more intimate relationship.

"Thanks… I guess?" Sougo said. "But maybe I'd rather try to get close to someone I like than to stay single for the rest of my life. Even if there is a possibility that I might get hurt… " He smiled sadly because that possibility wasn't far-fetched when he considered his dream…

Sougo caught some chat messages from the corner of his eye that said, they also had mothers on which they could base their future marriage partners… He didn't really know what to make of that.

Tamaki pulled away. He definitely went too far. Tamaki looked down and felt as if he wanted to disappear. And now Sougo was getting mad again… "Sorry, Sou-chan… I'm just confused as to what I want."

Tamaki really wished he didn't have to deal with this right now. He was never good with these conversations… Tamaki needed to clarify for Sougo. He had to.

Tamaki put down his phone for a minute and turned to face the other male. "U-um! I didn't mean to be so serious about it… I meant it as a joke! I don't really know for sure what I'm going to do in the future, but one thing for sure is that I want to have someone! And you can do whatever you want, even if that one is me—" Tamaki cut himself off.

_What?_

_What did I just say?_

Tamaki really messed up this time. It just came out of nowhere. He didn't even know he had such thoughts buried within him. It must have been a slip-up. He tried to push the idea away before shutting himself up.

Tamaki thought that was enough.

Sougo listened carefully to what Tamaki had to say, as it seemed very important for the other to sort his thoughts out and clarify his opinion on the topic.

But when the last sentence reached his ears, all the blood drained from his face, and he turned pale like a ghost. His heart skipped a few beats, making him feel light-headed, and he grabbed his chest reflexively. _This is torture… this is definitely torturing…_

The older mezzo member doubled over, blinking away the tears that tried to form in his eyes again. _I just cried… I can't do it again. Tamaki-kun probably doesn't even know what he is implying…_

Sougo took some deep breaths to calm himself down. Sougo didn't want to show Tamaki any more of his miserable side today, but he couldn't help it. His feelings were going crazy.

Tamaki felt guilty. He didn't know what to say… Everything just seemed to come out wrong. Should he comfort Sougo? He appeared to be in so much pain… The worst part was that it was because of Tamaki.

It hurt every time he saw Sougo in pain. It was as if they were connected. Tamaki didn't mean to make things worse… he wanted to make Sougo feel better with what he said. He regretted saying anything in the first place…

Maybe Tamaki should have never gone to hug Sougo… but that felt wrong to think, too. He knew that what they shared was something else. He knew that they both needed that moment. He knew that he needed Sougo.

Tamaki curled his fingers into a tight fist. His hands were shaking… Tamaki had never felt this confused in his life. This stressed. This… responsible.

Even with Aya, Tamaki never felt he was holding her up, she seemed to stand on her own… even lead Tamaki.

Should Tamaki just leave Sougo alone..? No. If Tamaki left Sougo alone, he knew it wouldn't be the same anymore. After what happened… what he did… he knew he couldn't look Sougo in the eye anymore, or even spend time with him.

Tamaki didn't want to feel like it was his fault for making Sougo miserable. But how..? How could Tamaki fix this? Tamaki knew he had to say something. But every time he did, he just made it worse.

Should Tamaki hug Sougo again..? No, that might make it worse too… But. What if it did? What if that is what Tamaki should have done instead of running his mouth? It's worth a try.

Tamaki rested a hand against Sougo's curled back. The pain in his chest only became more significant. "Sougo. Look at me."

Sougo slowly raised his head, vaguely aware of the hand on his back.

Sougo fought the urge to look away and instead focused on the eyes staring at him with a painful expression. Sougo felt guilty for making Tamaki worry. He didn't want to make Tamaki feel he was the reason why Sougo was distressed (even though that was partly true), just because he couldn't control his feelings at the moment.

Tamaki's ocean-blue eyes had a hypnotizing effect on him; he felt as if they could pierce right into his soul. Sougo wasn't able to avert his gaze. His own pupils dilated slightly, having to blink several times.

Sougo gathered his thoughts. Before Tamaki could go on, he spoke up, "I'm really sorry, Tamaki-kun… I … I didn't want to make you worry. I am … genuinely happy that you are here with me. I'm just terrible… " He sighed and rested one of his hands on the younger boy's thigh to be reassuring.

 _Maybe I should just tell him how I really feel? I might get hurt… but if I continue like this, I will hurt both of us. And Tamaki-kun doesn't deserve to feel the same pain just because I'm egoistic…_ Sougo swallowed the lump in his throat, considering the possibilities he had left.

Tamaki was touched. And not just in a physical sense. Tamaki gave a sad smile, he felt as if a little weight was lifted off of his chest. He breathed a small sigh of relief, he knew it wasn't over yet. "You are not terrible..! Sou-chan, I think you are amazing!"

Tamaki rested his hand over Sougo's. "You have been through things and pulled out of them! When my parents passed away, and my sister was taken from me, I was a complete mess. I didn't talk to anyone in fear of them hurting me, too, and didn't open up to anyone. That was until I was accepted to be an idol, and we became partners that I opened up again… " Tamaki squeezed Sougo's hand.

Tamaki continued, "You were the one that got me to like myself. To be okay to show weakness. To forgive… " He was tearing up again. He swallowed thickly and said, "I want to be there for you in return… for all that you have given me." He rested his head against Sougo's shoulder. _I'm awfully touchy today… but just for today._

Listening to Tamaki's story, all that Sougo could think of was: _Why does that sound so much like me?_ The two of them really had more in common than he had ever realized. Maybe that was one of the reasons he was drawn to Tamaki and also why he could open up to him easier than to anyone else.

Sougo's voice was barely more than a whisper, "That's actually my line… because it was the same for me… " He paused, searching for words. "But I am still terrible… because I made you sad, just because I was afraid." He stroked Tamaki's blue strands with his free hand, a melancholy expression appearing on Sougo's face.

"Sou-chan… you didn't make me sad. I made myself sad because I always mess up… " Tamaki looked down, head still against Sougo.

Sougo couldn't keep his feelings in any longer. He knew he would feel guilty the longer he waited. The situations would stay awkward, ending in misunderstandings again and again.

"I… have to tell you something, Tamaki-kun," Sougo breathed.

"What is it, Sou-chan."

The words he wanted to say next were stuck in Sougo's throat. He had to repeatedly swallow against the lump.

Tamaki's head was getting heavy on Sougo's shoulder. His body trembled slightly with nervousness, pulse increasing again. But Sougo couldn't back down this time.

Tamaki could feel Sougo shaking under his weight, so he sat back up. _I'm too heavy…_ Anxiety spiked through his body. He knew it was going to be critical what Soguo said next. He could tell in the way that Sougo was looking at him.

Now that Tamaki was sitting again, Sougo had to look up at him due to their height difference. It was difficult for the older member to find the right words while the other was staring down at him expectantly.

Sougo shifted uncomfortably. The hand that was stroking Tamaki's hair just a moment before clutched his own chest protectively.

The worst thing was that Sougo was feeling even more vulnerable than when he was crying his eyes out earlier. Because now the person that could hurt him was in the same room as him.

 _No… Tamaki-kun would never hurt me… he is not like my father, who always turned me down without even listening to me…_ Sougo encouraged himself. _Even if he can't reciprocate my feelings.. also if he just wants to stay friends… we can still figure this out…_ He tried to hold Tamaki's gaze while steeling himself.

Sougo took a few deep, shaky breaths before finally confessing. His eyes were shining with emotion.

"I love you, Tamaki-kun."

The instant those words left his mouth, Sougo hung his head low in shame and squeezed his eyes shut. His heart was racing out of fear of getting rejected.

"B-b-but I can understand i-if you just want to stay friends! And you don't have to answer right away, j-just take your time and think about it. I just couldn't hide it from you any longer. And I d-didn't want to make you suffer because of me!" he stammered hastily before biting his lower lip. He trembled like a leaf and nervously awaited the answer.

Tamaki was flooded with relief. He thought Sougo was going to tell him something terrible. Tamaki smiled, he was glad Sougo wasn't mad at him. But then Tamaki realized the meaning behind the way Sougo was acting.

"Wait, huh?" Tamaki flushed red. He had always been a little slow to get things. But suddenly, Tamaki remembered Iori saying how it would be bad for idols to be in a relationship. Even if Tamaki were to be in a secret one, he knew it would cause problems.

Tamaki thought it was heartbreaking that Sougo cared for him so much. Tamaki never really thought someone would care for him again… He didn't know if his heart could handle it.

But Sougo thought of Tamaki as more than a friend. He loved Tamaki, even. He doubted it was true. But the look in his eyes was so passionate… Tamaki had many girls in the past confess, but none of them were like this. Sougo was really something special.

"That's fine." Tamaki smiled despite his nervousness. He felt as if his heart would break out of his chest. Usually, Tamaki would say yes or no, but it didn't get any reaction out of him. Why did he feel like this? Why did he want to tell Sougo everything?

Sougo was already prepared for a negative answer. What he wasn't expecting was to get no informative answer at all. _Tamaki-kun hasn't rejected me… But he also doesn't return my feelings…_ Sougo was unsure if he should feel relieved or not. Part of the weight on his chest lifted now that he didn't have to hide his feelings anymore.

Tamaki bit his tongue. If he said too much, it would rush things. He was always known for speaking his mind, but now was not the time. But he had to say a few things. Just a few.

"But Iorin said idols shouldn't be in a relationship. And if we were in secret, it might make problems… " Tamaki found the floor was very interesting right now.

"I know that we aren't supposed to be in a relationship as idols… and in addition to that, you're still underage… " Sougo wished he hadn't developed feelings for the other boy. He wished all of this wasn't so incredibly complicated. He wished he had no heart that could hurt so much.

Sougo clenched his hands, but he had no tears left to cry. Sougo neither felt happy nor sad at the moment. He just felt… hollow.

"You are not going to make me suffer because of you. You are the only person I can truly feel happy around. So, no matter what, promise we will be together even after MEZZO", Sou-chan?" He held his pinkie out, putting on the kindest face he could muster.

Sougo slowly opened his eyes to look at the finger held out towards him. _He wants us to stay together… maybe I can learn to live with this pain._ He swallowed. Yes… it would definitely be more comfortable to live with the pain than to imagine a life without Tamaki.

Sougo locked his own pinky around Tamaki's and forced a smile. Sougo tried not to show his conflicted feelings, so as not to worry the younger boy again. "I promise… "

Tamaki felt his heart skip a beat when Sougo promised. He couldn't help but feel a bit happy. Now he knew they would still be together. Sougo was important to him… Tamaki never realized it before, but this moment was a turning point to him.

Sougo drew his finger back and paused, his head returning to its prior position of slightly hanging down, absorbed in his thoughts. His trembling had stopped, and he was frozen in place after the adrenaline had rushed out of him.

When Sougo went back to hanging his head, Tamaki's heart sank. He knew Sougo would have to think about it for some time.

"Thanks for hearing me out. That… made me happy… really." Sougo tried to say his next sentence as politely and carefully as possible, "But.. could… could you please leave my room? I need to be alone for a while… "

Tamaki smiled. "I'm glad I made you feel better. You can talk with me at any time." Tamaki stood up, pressing his hands against his knees. He found them weak. All he wanted was to keep comforting Sougo, but Tamaki really needed to be alone too. Tamaki said, "I'm sorry" before taking one last look at his partner, who was staring at the floor. Tears were in Tamaki's eyes as he shut the door.

Sougo sat in his silent room without changing his position and staring into space. His brain was not functioning like usual, his mind was just blank. Maybe it was a defense mechanism of his psyche to prevent him from the worst damage.

Several minutes later, his shock wore off, and everything that happened came back to his mind. He stood up on wobbly legs and dragged himself to the door to lock it. He didn't want anyone to see him right now. And he didn't want to see them.

After he cut himself off from the other people in the dorms, he searched for his MP3 player and returned to his bed. Sougo crawled under the covers and cocooned himself in his lavender blanket, before putting in his earbuds. If there was one thing in this world that could lift his mood right now, it was his beloved music.

He turned on his TRIGGER playlist and closed his eyes, he really needed to hear their voices right now. Sougo was not in the mood to sing along. Still, a few songs later, he began to quietly mumble the lyrics together with his idols: "Ikou wake me up… samenai yume wo issho ni."

As soon as Tamaki closed the door, his knees gave out. His heart was pounding. _Shoot… get up, Tamaki._

Tamaki pushed himself up from the wall. He was a little shaky but standing.

Tamaki's pain in his chest only grew as he walked away from Sougo's room. _Keep going, he needs his time. Keep going… keep…_ Tamaki grabbed his chest.

Tamaki made it to his room and fell on to his bed. He curled into a ball, holding his knees. His trembling did not cease even though he was by himself.

Tamaki felt incredibly guilty. He didn't mean for all of this to happen… He only wanted to make Sougo feel better, but Tamaki guessed he made things worse. _At least Sou-chan has calmed down a little. That part I did good in. But… Sou-chan… I'm sorry. I don't really know how I feel about you. But I do know I want to be with you and spend more time with you… but I can't tell you that yet._

"Sou-chan… sorry," Tamaki said under his breath.

Tamaki put his head in his hands, going over every detail that happened. He worried about Sougo, thinking of all the things he could have done to prevent what just happened. What's done is done. Said a voice in Tamaki's head.

But he didn't want to believe it.

_But._

Things must have changed for the better. Surely, this will be the beginning of something special.

Tamaki exhaled and pulled out his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation notes: 
> 
> Let’s go, Wake me up!  
> from this unending dream, together 
> 
> This is what Sougo was singing at the end. A line from TRIGGER's SECRET NIGHT song.


	3. A Downpour of Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ****Trigger warning!**** Slight gore scene in fever dream. Skip it if you are sensitive.
> 
> Hope you will enjoy this chapter! PrinceMewstar wrote Re:vale!
> 
> Tensions rise as they figure out how they feel!

**A Downpour of Rain [MEZZO" IDOLiSH7]**

Several days had passed since Sougo confessed to Tamaki. Sougo tried to act normal around him, but every time they got closer, Sougo felt a stabbing pain in his chest. He had hoped it would ease off over time, but he didn't know how long that would take. _Why does love have to hurt so much?_

And after he had told Tamaki his feelings, situations between them had become a bit awkward. _I really ruined what we had… I shouldn't have told him the truth after all…_ But on the other hand, Sougo knew he couldn't have kept his feelings hidden any longer.

That pain wasn't Tamaki's fault. Sougo loved him, so there was no way he could blame him. As long as they were idols, even if Tamaki returned his feelings, they could never be together.

The other members were darting glances at him. It was probably because he looked pale and had lost a few pounds due to his lack of appetite and sleep. Maybe because he also didn't talk as much as before. Sougo had always been a person that suffered in silence.

It was raining outside for a week, mirroring Sougo's mood. He didn't notice at first, but he had caught a cold.

He was sitting alone in his room, reading RabbitChat for the first time in days.

Ryuu was going on about some overseas production company that planned to film a documentary about idol friendships. Of course, Tamaki wanted to participate in it. _Friends, huh…_ Sougo wasn't really in the mood for such a competition. He wrote:

**[Sougo]**

… **Sorry guys, that I didn't write much for the last few days. I'm actually not feeling so well.**

He shouldn't have sent that message, because now they were all wondering if he was okay. Even Ryuu asked if there was anything he could do for him.

Sougo told Ryuu to sing for him, nearly forgetting the etiquette in his bad mood and adding "please." Usually, he would have been ashamed of how rude that request was. Sougo always seemed to cheer up when he heard Ryuu sing.

Ryuu was a little confused but agreed anyway.

Tamaki was asking Sougo again to be his partner for the competition. He sighed before he wrote back a short "Okay…" He didn't want to worry anyone with his unusual behavior.

Sougo closed the chat and set his phone on his bedside table. He wasn't interested in following the conversation.

He felt his face heat with a rising fever. _Was I really this under the weather?_ He stood up to get himself a glass of water from the kitchen, but sudden dizziness stopped him in his tracks. Sweat broke out on his forehead, and his pulse fluttered underneath his skin.

His vision turned black, and his body sank to the floor unconscious.

#

Tamaki tried his best when he was around Sougo to cheer him up, but nothing seemed to work. Tamaki soon gave up and spent most of his time in his room, reading RabbitChat.

He was afraid to check the chat in case Sougo came in, but Tamaki needed to talk to someone. He wasn't very good at being alone, even though he was for most of his life.

The other members had picked up on his sullen mood. _Oops. No one is supposed to know about Sou-chan confessing to me._ He tried his best after that to act normally.

Yuki noticed Tamaki was feeling sad and suggested Sougo, Tamaki, Momo, and himself go out to get sweets.

Tamaki couldn't help but accept the offer. It would cheer him up after all… but it didn't feel right to be having fun with Sougo suffering so much.

He saw every little sigh, avoidance, and sad expression from Sougo. His guilt didn't let up after all that time. Tamaki even tried spending more time with Nagi and the others to make himself feel better, but it didn't.

Nagi had watched anime with Tamaki and gave him many hugs. But no matter what Nagi did, Tamaki couldn't feel happy again.

 _Sou-chan makes me happy… I can't be if he is not there._ Tamaki had tried eating more sweets and working out but still no avail; He didn't feel like going out to eat with Yuki and Momo.

That was until Yuki got impatient. Tamaki suggested going out the next day. Thankfully, Yuki accepted. Tamaki knew that if he didn't do something about him and Sougo, Tamaki could never enjoy going out. He would have to talk to Sougo later.

Just thinking about seeing Sougo again strung anxiety through his veins. _What if he's mad at me..? What if he hates me?_ He tried to shake the thought.

Sougo wouldn't be mad at Tamaki. Sougo said he loved him… _Shoot._ Tamaki had that weird pain in his chest again. Every time he thought about Sougo, it would happen. It made him want to cry. _I want to see him again, but…_

He blinked away the tears. He didn't know how much longer he could keep going like this. He knew he would have to face his fears. Face _Sougo_.

Thunder rumbled outside. Tamaki was always scared of storms. He stood up and looked outside his bedroom window; It was raining pretty hard. On the horizon, he could see a little bit of sky. _Maybe this means that it's getting better. Maybe this means it's okay for me to like Sou-chan too._

He surprised himself. Ever since Sougo confessed, Tamaki noticed how much he thought about him. How much he wanted to hug him… How much he wanted to be with just _Sougo_.

There was that pain in his chest again…

He grumbled and clenched his fists. He had been doing that a lot too… It didn't help that he was too lazy to cut his nails, which were pressing crescents into his hands.

"That's enough. I'm going to see him," Tamaki decided. He fixed his hair in the mirror and took a deep breath. He looked pretty bad. He had been staying up late at night, doing nothing but thinking over and over about what he could have done differently. What he could have done to not make Sougo depressed.

It was all Tamaki's fault.

He shook himself and headed out the door. He made it to Sougo's room and took a few deep breaths before knocking.

Silence.

Tamaki waited and knocked again, a little harder.

Silence.

_Maybe Sou-chan's not in his room._

Tamaki asked the other members, and they said they hadn't seen him and thought Sougo was still in his room. Tamaki went back to Sougo's room and tried to talk to him through the door.

"Sou-chan… I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to make you feel sad. I want to tell you something… Can you open the door?" Tamaki bit the inside of his cheek. He wouldn't know what he would do if Sougo didn't open up.

Silence.

Well, now he really _would_ have to figure that out. _Something's wrong._ He started to worry. He didn't want to have to break down the door.

He remembered the time Sougo used a power-drill to unlock Tamaki's door when Tamaki was mad at Sougo. Tamaki shuddered. It was a thought, though. _No, I can't do that._

He did what he should have done at the start: check if the door was locked.

It opened.

His heart sank. Sougo had passed out on the floor.

"Sou-chan!" He rushed to Sougo's side, regret and worry written all over Tamaki's face. He had really messed up… He checked Sougo's temperature; He was burning up.

_Help._

He didn't want to leave Sougo's side, but Tamaki had to tell the others. He ran out of the room and called out, "Sou-chan needs help!"

#

When Sougo regained his consciousness about thirty minutes later, he couldn't recall what had happened. The first thing he registered was that he felt as if he was on fire, and his clothes were sticking to his skin.

He vaguely noticed that he was lying on something soft… probably a bed. His muscles were aching slightly, and he felt a pain in the back of his head. He winced.

He felt miserable and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, but his body wouldn't let him. His face was pale except for the blush that painted his cheeks. There were bags under his eyes and beads of sweat that ran down his skin.

Tamaki was sitting by Sougo's bedside. He had put a cold towel on Sougo's forehead. _My fault…_ was all Tamaki could think of.

Still kind of delirious, Sougo murmured the first thing that came to his mind, "Ta… maki…" He tried to open his eyes but found they felt heavier than usual.

"Sou-chan…" Tamaki grabbed Sougo's hand. His voice was soft, "I'm right here."

Sougo exhaled, already feeling more secure. When he finally managed to open his eyes all the way, the world in front of him was spinning.

He wanted to sit up but found his body was too weak. "Tamaki-kun..? What happened?" he asked quietly.

"When I came in to check in on you to talk about the competition, you were on the floor, and I couldn't wake you up, so I got help from our manager. She told me what to do, and now you are awake," Tamaki blurted.

"The competition..?"

Piece by piece, Sougo's memories returned.

"I was feeling a bit under the weather lately. I didn't realize that it got worse," Sougo said. "I must have gotten up a little too fast earlier…"

Sougo pondered whether to tell Tamaki just how much his condition had worsened and why, but decided against it.

"It's just a little cold, nothing to worry about!" Sougo said with as much confidence as he could muster.

A cold would explain a lot of things, but that didn't satisfy Tamaki. Sougo was definitely hiding something. Tamaki knew that whatever Sougo had, it was something much more complicated. And not just any sickness… but heartbreak.

Tamaki had been heartbroken before. He knew what Sougo was going through. Tamaki had never been good at controlling his emotions, despite his carefree nature. He knew the best way to cure heartbreak was someone who knew what to say. _That person can't be me. I always say the wrong things around Sou-chan…_

He sighed and hung his head. "I'm really sorry, Sou-chan… This is all my fault; I could have helped you." _I'm pathetic._ Tamaki knew Sougo was just trying not to make him worry, but that wasn't going to stop him from doing so.

"It's not your fault that I was careless." Sougo weakly tried to return Tamaki's grasp and gave a soothing smile. "I'm glad you're here…"

Sougo's natural instincts urged him to get closer to Tamaki, but his subconscious told him not to. He pushed the pain to the back of his head.

"You shouldn't push yourself too hard, Sou-chan," Tamaki said kindly.

"I wasn't pushing myself too hard. I just might have been a bit reckless with my health lately," Sougo admitted in a barely audible voice. Memories of the past week came rushing back to him.

Tamaki stroked Sougo's hand. _I feel so bad…_ "Sou-chan, I'll always be here for you… so don't be reckless."

Sougo looked at Tamaki with an unreadable expression before he closed his eyes. He didn't know what to say. _Tamaki-kun can't do anything about it anyway. I should never have become an idol if I wanted to fall in love… Though I didn't really plan to get such feelings involved._

Maybe Sougo's family was right after all when they said that music can bring you to the grave… maybe not music, but the industry behind it. He sighed.

He felt exhausted enough to fall asleep and get back the hours Sougo desperately needed. But he didn't want to leave Tamaki hanging when he had waited so patiently for Sougo to wake up.

"You wanted to talk about that competition..?" Even though Sougo didn't want to talk about that, it was the only thing that came to mind. He didn't really know how much he was successfully hiding.

"Um, Yukirin and Momorin said they wanted to go to get sweets with us. They were thinking about going tomorrow, but now you are sick, so I don't think it can happen…" Tamaki trailed off. Even though he wasn't looking forward to it, he felt terrible that he and Sougo couldn't go even if they wanted to.

Tamaki resisted the urge to caress Sougo's face. _All I want to do is comfort him, but he doesn't want that from me._

Sougo heard the disappointment in Tamaki's voice. It made Sougo's heart ache. "Maybe we can go another time," he said in a thoughtful tone. He was starting to drift off again, his body desperately trying to heal itself.

"Okay…" Tamaki said.

He was slowly giving up on ever having a chance to be with Tamaki. If Sougo continued hoping, he would just get hurt all over again. _I don't want to feel this pain anymore… I don't want to feel anything._ A tear rolled down his cheek.

He could get through this. He just needed to rebuild the walls around his heart that had crumbled apart. He had to make sure they were stronger and higher this time.

"I'm _sorry, Tamaki-kun. I dragged you into this and hurt you. I won't bother you with my feelings anymore… I'll do better from now on,_ " Sougo whispered, barely conscious.

Tamaki gently wiped the tear from Sougo's face. _He doesn't know how I feel about him… Should I tell him?_ "It's not your fault. You aren't bothering me, either." He caressed Sougo's cheek. "I want to tell you something."

Tamaki noticed Sougo was just about to fall asleep. _Not yet._

"But I can save it until you are feeling well… I'll be going now." Tamaki stood up.

Sougo didn't hear any of the words Tamaki said before he left Sougo's room. He was already asleep, falling into a fever dream.

#

Sougo dreamed he was walking down a street when he felt a dangerous presence looming behind him. Too scared to look back, he started running away as fast as he could, but it was still following him. He turned around a corner when suddenly Tamaki was standing right in front of him. Sougo felt relieved.

" _Tamaki-kun! You have to help me. T-there's something following me!_ " his dream-self stuttered in fear. Still, dream-Tamaki didn't answer and instead slowly approached Sougo.

" _T-Tamaki-kun? What's wrong?_ " There was something dangerous in the way Tamaki came closer, but Sougo couldn't move. It was as if his feet were nailed to the ground.

" _It's alright, Sou-chan..._ " An evil grin spread across Tamaki's face and looked as if he had gone mad.

Sougo shuddered, suddenly unable to speak.

" _You won't feel anything anymore,_ " Tamaki growled in Sougo's ear. Tamaki thrust his hand through Sougo's chest and, with one quick movement, ripped his heart out.

The last thing Sougo saw was his own heart still beating in Tamaki's hand, blood dripping on the sidewalk.

Sougo jolted awake, body drenched in sweat.

"J-just a dream..." Sougo's body shook violently, and his breathing was ragged. Now he really felt sick. _This is going to be a restless night…_

#

A week later, Sougo had mostly recovered from his cold. His mental wounds were slowly healing after he locked his feelings away. Even though it still hurt, the pain gradually dulled.

He adopted a healthy sleep pattern, ate more, and socialized with the other members. Sougo still wasn't _truly_ happy, but sometimes he would manage a weak smile without it being forced.

He even acted normal around Tamaki again… only more professional like when they first met. _Because this is how it should be…_ The physical and emotional distance protected him from reopening his wounds.

He remembered they had planned to go out with Yuki and Momo but wasn't sure if Tamaki was still willing to do that. Sougo plopped on the couch in the living room and pulled out his phone.

_#_

Tamaki never knew just how much he would get attached to Sougo. _I'm sorry, Sou-chan. I couldn't tell you…_ Tamaki balled his fists. _So this is how he felt. All this time..._

Guilt.

Sadness.

The negative emotions were starting to take over, the weight crushing him. Even when Sougo returned back to normal, Tamaki could tell it wasn't the same. _Will it ever be..?_

Tears pricked his eyes. _I want it to go back to how it was. I want to feel happy again, but I can't if he is not with me. I am not the same without him… How? How can I fix it..? There is no way. No way…_

_No._

_There is one way._

_I can fix this._

_#_

Tamaki went looking for Sougo and found him in the living room. _Uh oh… I'm scared again. I'll just get a King Pudding._ He took one out of the fridge.

Sougo heard a sound and looked up from his phone. A week before, he would have felt a pain in his chest just by seeing Tamaki... Now all that was left was a twinge of nervousness.

Sougo stared at Tamaki with a blank expression. "Tamaki-kun, you shouldn't eat so many sweets right before dinner," he reminded him.

Tamaki jumped. Even though he knew Sougo would say something about getting a pudding, it still scared him a little. "Gah! Sou-chan, you scared me." He turned around. _Every time I see him, I have such strong feelings…_

"I want to talk to you about the meeting with Yuki-san and Momo-san," Sougo said. "It's important that we have good relationships with our senpai, and this is the perfect opportunity to establish a closer connection to them."

"Oh, when do you want to do it?" Tamaki put back the dessert and went to sit next to Sougo.

Sougo kept a straight face. He was fine as long as there was enough space between them. "As soon as possible. I don't want to keep our senpai waiting, as that would be highly disrespectful to them." He crossed his arms in a subconscious attempt to shield himself.

 _He's uncomfortable… This hurts._ "Sure. We can go whenever." Tamaki swallowed. "But I need to tell you something before we do."

Sougo looked at him expressionlessly. "If it has something to do with work, you can tell me about that on our way to our next performance, so Banri-san can hear it too."

That wasn't stopping Tamaki. No way. "It's not about work." His expression was determined.

Sougo blinked, slightly startled by his seriousness. "Okay. Then what is it that you want to talk about?"

Tamaki took a deep breath. "Ever since you told me your feelings, I've been different. Every time I think about you, I have this pain in my chest. I've never felt this before, so I don't know if it's bad or not…" He looked at Sougo. _His eyes are so cold now… Keep going. Don't stop._

He brushed a strand of hair out of his own eyes.

"I want to make you happy, but I don't know how when you close yourself off from me… Sou-chan, what did I do? _How can I get you back.._?" Tears welled in Tamaki's eyes. All the emotions he had held in for the past month came pouring out. He tried to wipe them away.

A small flame of hope tried to ignite in Sougo's heart, but he knew better. He smothered it. An uncontrolled fire could only lead to destruction; He had already decided to not hold high hopes anymore.

"What do you mean, 'get me back'? I'm right here… and I'm doing a lot better, see? So don't cry, Tamaki-kun..." Sougo smiled, only he seemed as if he wasn't looking at the world right in front of him.

Tamaki wiped the tears from his face. _Are you really here? Or are you just saying that..?_ "Yeah… but why can't I get close to you anymore..?"

Sougo sighed. "You said it yourself. We are idols, so we can't be in relationships. It's my own fault for being naive."

He looked at Tamaki.

"I thought it would hurt you if I didn't tell you," Sougo said. "I realized now that it was a mistake… _my_ mistake. I only made things worse, because I forced my feelings on you. I really shouldn't have said anything in the first place." His words were full of emotion, but he didn't feel anything. His subconscious kept him at a distance… but that didn't help his shaking.

 _Sou-chan's changed. He's not the same. Stop._ Tamaki felt as if he shouldn't say what he wanted to. If Sougo did it, he could too. _But he literally just said how it was a mistake to tell me…_

With tears in his eyes, Tamaki said, "But you _aren't_ better. You are suffering on the inside; I know it… And I don't freaking care about that rule anymore! What I want is…" Tamaki reached to hold Sougo's hand.

Even if Sougo didn't feel the same anymore, Tamaki still wanted to tell him.

"Sou-chan. You didn't force your feelings on me, you've had them all along. And… I too—" Tamaki was cut off by his phone ringing.

_WOW._

Tamaki wanted to flip a table.

He pulled his hand away and grumbled. "I'll tell you later." He looked to see who it was.

"Yukirin..?" Tamaki picked up. "What? I'm kinda busy right now," he said in an annoyed voice.

 _Uh oh. Better be nice._ Tamaki cleared his throat, wiped his eyes again, and said in an even tone, "What's happening, Yukirin?"

" _Hey,_ " Yuki answered, his voice lilting in amusement. " _Did I call at a bad time? Oh well, this will be quick. Okarin just got back to me, saying we'll be off for the rest of today. I was wondering if you're finally ready?_ "

Tamaki had to resist from saying it _was_ a bad time. "Oh, cool. Yeah, we can go now."

" _Sougo-kun's coming with?_ " Yuki asked casually.

Tamaki looked to Sougo, who seemed to be zoned out, and said, "Yeah."

" _Alright, sounds good. I'm gonna get ready, then. Momo's been excited to try this new place that opened up by the mall. They've got taiyaki with peach ice cream. And savory snacks in case Sougo-kun doesn't want the sweet stuff. I'll stop by your place soon._ "

"Sounds cool. See you in a few." Tamaki ended the call. _Finally._

Sougo spoke up, "Who was it?"

"Yukirin." _Did he even hear what I said earlier..?_

They sat in silence.

"Well, I'll finish telling you later. I'm going to get ready." Tamaki stood.

Sougo nodded. "So it was about our meeting with them? Or are they coming over now?"

"They are coming to our place. They will be here in a few minutes." Tamaki left with that. _Another time, Tamaki._

He changed into his favorite hoodie with cat ears and jeans. He wanted to wear something people knew him by. They were trying to promote MEZZO" anyways. _MEZZO", huh… someday it can be real._

With that, he went back to the kitchen.

Sougo still hadn't moved. He thought he was already formally dressed enough to meet their senpai, but casual enough to go out on the streets. He was still spaced out when Tamaki returned, fiddling with his fingers.

 _Ugh, why do I have to feel bad when we go out. This is our outing anyway, better enjoy it._ Tamaki put on a fake smile and said, "Let's go, Sou-chan!"

#

By the time they went outside, Re:vale was already waiting for them by the curb. Their convertible's top was down, and Yuki was at the driver's side, wearing shades.

Momo had heart-shaped glasses, but he popped his head out the window and lifted them into his hair when he spotted MEZZO". "Heyo! Tamaki and Sougo!" Momo greeted. "Hop in the back! Hope you don't mind me sitting with Yuki; I couldn't help it!"

Yuki pressed a button, unlocking the back doors. "Good to see you two. Hurry up, okay?"

Sougo bowed slightly to greet their senpai. "Thank you for inviting us to go out with you today."

"No problem, no problem! Now get in, you two!" Momo said, a smile on his face.

Tamaki opened the door for Sougo, "After you." Tamaki tried to act nice.

Sougo shot him a scrutinizing look before sitting down. "Thanks, Tamaki-kun."

Tamaki got in after him, slightly awkward but decided to forget what happened before. He pumped his fists in the air. "Let's go!"

"Yeah! Let's go!" Momo echoed, putting his sunglasses back on. "I'm really looking forward to the treat selection today. If it's any good, we'll come back on days off, since it's not far."

Yuki drove them out of Takanashi Productions, waiting to lower the convertible's top until they made it away from the front. "Are my homemade sweets not good enough, Momo?"

"No, no, that's not it!" Momo held out his hands with a laugh. "I love anything my Yuki makes for me! Just sometimes, I don't want my sweets tasting like vegetables, you know?"

"Vegetable smoothies are healthy for you."

"And peanut brittle that's so seasoned it's spicy?"

"It's just flavored honey," Yuki said, sighing. But Sougo could see Yuki's grin in the mirror. "So, Sougo-kun, I heard you singing with Tamaki-kun live on the radio the other day. Did you enjoy that? It was your first time singing in a public studio, wasn't it?"

Sougo watched the duo's well-known married couple act and couldn't avoid feeling a little envious. _They're so close… and they seem to have so much fun…_ He sighed deeply, wondering if it really was _just an act_.

He thought about a polite answer to Yuki's question. Somehow, the presence of their senpai made him a little nervous. "Yes, it was a whole new experience for me."

He brought his hands together, trying to calm himself down.

Sougo smiled, "When I sing live, I have the chance to put my feelings into the song. Although it may change by the time it gets out, I think it's more interesting for the fans to hear different variations. Music and life are always in motion. It's nice to have an opportunity to express that."

"Well said," Yuki hummed, checking both ways before turning out to the main road.

Tamaki stiffened. He remembered being so nervous when recording they had to do multiple takes. _How could I when Sou-chan looked at me like a stranger, after all that happened?_ Nonetheless, it turned out amazing. "It was fun to sing with Sou-chan. It was my first time going live too."

"Ahh, I'm glad you had fun!" Momo said, turning to smile at Tamaki. "I remember my first live radio show with Yuki. It was nerve-wracking — I could barely contain my squeals of joy from working with Yuki, and I was so afraid that I'd voice-crack! But then I remembered how I used to love imitating sports announcers."

Yuki chuckled, shaking his head. "I still laugh about the way you called the songs out like you were introducing players."

"Hey, I mean, it's kinda what we were going for."

"And then you kept score of how much I made you blush."

"I seriously couldn't help it!" Momo whined, covering his face. "You're too _ikemen_ , Yuki! Too cool…"

"Thanks, but I guess it's no wonder we started our married couple act," Yuki mused. "I couldn't cover for you any other way. There were too many live performances where you couldn't take your eyes off me."

"Y-you too! You also flirted back; I know it!"

"Aha, well. I can't really help it when you're so precious."

Sougo couldn't suppress a giggle. No matter what mood he was in, he could always count on Momo and Yuki to cheer him up. He relaxed a little in his seat before he realized something.

"Huh. What do you mean, Yuki-san? The married couple act? Cover for Momo-san?" Sougo blinked a few times. _Was everything a lie..? Will Tamaki-kun and I be a lie..? Tamaki-kun…_

"Yes, that's right," Yuki said, adjusting his hand on the wheel.

Momo put a finger to his lips. "Shh! Don't tell anyone, okay, you two? But it's true."

"I won't," Sougo said.

Tamaki nodded. "'Kay."

Yuki turned the corner. "At first, we joked around because Momo was always so excited to be working with me," he explained. "The fans ate it up, of course, because Momo had a way of being endearing no matter the context."

Momo twisted in his seat, flashing Yuki a huge smile. "Aww! I knew you loved me!"

"I do." Yuki's expression calmed as they came to a stoplight. Luckily, the people who noticed them didn't lower their windows or try to talk to them. Sunglasses could only do so much.

"Tell them the rest, Yuki!" Momo pleaded.

"At first, I went along with Momo's flirts because otherwise, the public would get the wrong idea," Yuki said. "But then I realized that the audience loved it because he was so funny and cute to them, so we kept going at it. And then eventually I actually meant some of the stuff I said, so. It's kind of a cover for both of us, in a way."

"W-wha…" Momo brightened with a blush. "I-is — is that true? Yuki! I knew you meant it all along!"

"Well, we're Japan's top partners for a reason."

Sougo looked at them with a puzzled expression. _So the flirting is real… but they aren't in a relationship? I could never do something like that…_ He still didn't fully understand, but he couldn't just press on a topic until he got answers like Tamaki could.

He turned his head to look at the buildings and people passing by.

Sougo asked, "How long will it take until we get there?"

"We're almost there. One more street to go. It should be the third building on the left before we get to the mall," Yuki answered. "See? There it is."

"I think the outdoor seating arrangements are adorable," Momo said as they turned into the complex. "They made the umbrellas look like giant ice cream cones! It looks like the perfect date spot for couples."

"Right by the beach, too." Yuki parked the car. "By the way, I'm paying, so get whatever you want today."

"Ohh! Really? Thanks, Yukirin! I'm gonna get three sweets!" Tamaki laughed.

"I'll get ten!" Momo whooped.

"Woah, woah, Momo!" Yuki lightly ruffled his partner's bangs, causing Momo to laugh. "I'll pay for a few. If you go over budget, you'll have to pay."

"Aw, darn." Momo pouted and got out of the car, winking afterward. "Being with my Yuki is sweet enough, anyway."

"Is it really?"

"Plus ice cream. It's sweet if I get ice cream too."

"Thought so."

Tamaki blushed. He missed ruffling Sougo's hair. Tamaki got out of the car and said under his breath, " _Being with Sou-chan is sweet too_."

"I think I will just get something to drink," Sougo said humbly, before trailing behind the others.

Everything felt surreal in a way... as if he was acting in a movie. Or as if he was floating in space. And even though he could watch the stars twinkle around him, he couldn't reach them. He couldn't shake the feeling of… _loneliness_.

He sped up to stay close to Re:vale and Tamaki.

#

The shop smelled of vanilla with a hint of cake and coffee. Overall, it had a fresh, cozy smell like any other cafe would. And as promised, they served savory goods, a display showing different bread rolls, rice cakes, and a menu for a few simple soup dishes.

"Interesting selection," Yuki said, leaning against a support beam while he glanced over the menu. Upon deciding there were no creepy fans around (besides the ones smiling at him), he removed his sunglasses and tucked them into his shirt.

Momo did the same, although he stepped back towards Sougo and Tamaki. "See anything you like?"

Tamaki couldn't contain his excitement. His weakness was food. Eating always seemed to cheer him up. "Yeah! I want chocolate taiyaki!" He was practically drooling.

Sougo looked around. Many people were visiting the cafe at this hour. "I'll just get a coffee… Maybe some biscuits at most," he said fidgeting.

"Okay! Yuki! Heard that? I'll get a peach ice cream taiyaki and a slice of strawberry cake," Momo said.

"You don't have to yell, you know."

"I'm using my excited inside voice." Momo playfully stuck his tongue out, but Yuki just laughed and ordered for them.

"Sougo-kun," Yuki called, "how do you like your coffee?"

"Umm… I mostly drink it black, but sometimes I like milk in it... So I'll go with milk for today, please," Sougo responded.

He had to admit he could imagine coming to the cafe again. Maybe alone the next time, so he wouldn't have to deal with the nervousness he felt around others.

Yuki finished making the order, so Momo helped Sougo and Tamaki find a spot to eat at. They chose a table outside under the patio cover; it was surprisingly private since most people were inside the building.

Momo sat across from Tamaki, humming a Re:vale song as it played on the speakers while they waited. No one had taken a picture of them yet, and it looked like they wouldn't be overheard by anyone outside.

Yuki returned with a tray. He set their order on the table with a few napkins and plastic utensils.

All the food looked cute and fresh. "Here's everything," Yuki said, letting them each take their share. "If you guys want anything else, let me know. We can order again if we need to."

"Ohh! Thanks, Yukirin!" Tamaki took a bite of his pastry fish. "It's amazing!" He looked over to Sougo. _I want to talk to him, but I don't know what to say…_ Tamaki's smile dimmed.

"Thank you, Yuki-san." Sougo took his order. "Bon appétit, everyone." He slowly took a sip of his coffee, careful not to burn his tongue. _Sweet. Sometimes that's nice, too._

He glanced at Tamaki before looking back at the other two idols. Sougo didn't know what to say either.

"Momo, how's the peach ice cream?" Yuki asked. He idly licked at his own taiyaki — green tea flavor — and tucked a stray strand of silver hair behind his ear. Even the wind seemed to be going easy on them today. It was as if Re:vale had reserved their own little bubble away from the world.

Momo paused, thinking about it, then mischief sparked in his eyes. Leaning towards his partner, Momo smirked and held out his taiyaki. "Why don't you have a taste, Yuki?"

"Only if you'll taste mine."

And — right there in front of Sougo and Tamaki, Yuki and Momo leaned over simultaneously, each giving the other's ice cream a long, contemplative lick. Momo's eyes shut as if memorizing the flavor, the feeling, his hand wrapping around Yuki's. Yuki had a much more composed expression, though his lips quirked at the sour taste.

When they pulled away, Momo looked into Yuki's eyes, the two of them sharing an intimacy that made the very air seem to shimmer.

"Yuki's ice cream tastes like home…" Momo murmured.

"Momo's ice cream tastes like Momo's kisses…" Yuki purred.

And then Momo fell back in his seat, clutching his taiyaki for dear life. He landed on the bench, face reddening. "Y-yuki!"

Yuki winked. "Just kidding. Your kisses are sweeter."

" _Yukiiii!_ "

Sougo's cheeks reddened with embarrassment, witnessing such an intimate scene right before his eyes. He shifted in his seat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

"I… p-please excuse me, I have to use the restroom," Sougo said hurriedly. He stood up, bowed slightly to his senpai, and disappeared into the building.

Tamaki blushed. _They are so hot..! Maybe Sou-chan and I can do that…_ He turned to look at him, but then Sougo had to leave. _Man… he always seems to go to the bathroom at these times._ Tamaki smiled.

"Thanks, Momorin, Yukirin. Sou-chan has been acting funny lately, and you seemed to have opened him back up. I was really worried about him…" Tamaki bowed his head. _Sou-chan told me I should be polite._

#

Sougo felt sick. He looked around the cafe restroom, but he seemed to be alone. Slowly, he approached the mirror. He was shocked when he saw his own reflection. _I'm too pale. I'm too thin. My hair is too messy. My dark circles are too prominent._

_I'm not good enough._

He clutched the edge of the sink until his knuckles turned white. His body was trembling.

 _What is this… Why do I feel this way after watching them? Why do I want to be in their place? I decided to bury these feelings… They can only bring pain._ He could almost hear the crack in his emotional walls that he had tried so hard to rebuild.

Tears welled in his eyes. "It still hurts… I… I just want to feel happy again." His breaths were ragged.

Sougo's body slid down against the wall next to the sink and tightly hugged his knees to his chest. And he let his tears run free.

#

Outside, Momo righted himself, finishing his ice cream with a thoughtful expression. Yuki also appeared to be thinking.

And then, as if nothing had happened, Re:vale exchanged smiles. Yuki perched his head on his elbow, grinning at Tamaki.

"It's no problem, Tamaki-kun," Yuki said. "That's what we're here for. Now… do you mind telling me what exactly is going on here?"

Tamaki drew in a sharp breath. _It's okay to tell Yukirin and Momorin, right..? Out of all people, Sou-chan won't mind them, right? They won't tell anyone._

Tamaki took a deep breath and explained everything.

From the day Sougo got drunk… to the confession… to Tamaki's guilt… to Sougo's distance… All the way to Tamaki's regret. _Everything._

By the end, there were tears in Tamaki's eyes. "A-and… I really like Sou-chan. But I don't know how I can tell him."

Momo fanned his face, on the verge of bawling. "T-that was beautiful … I r-really wish you two will have good luck together, Tamaki!"

"Very tragic," Yuki agreed, nodding with a soft frown. "Like a soap opera."

"Yuki, there's nothing entertaining about this!" Momo cried. "Tamaki just spilled his heart to us!"

"And as his senpai, I will do my best to bandage it back together." Yuki took one last bite of his taiyaki and set it aside. "Truthfully… I think you were being mature with how you handled the situation. But I also feel for Sougo-kun. I've felt that dejected before."

"Same here," Momo added. "I'm sure he's hurting. Probably hating himself instead of putting that on you."

"Yes, it looks like that," Yuki said. "I don't think it's impossible for you two, Tamaki-kun, but you'll need to have a straightforward conversation with him when he's able to listen. It's true that you're still young, and your agency and the public may cause issues for you."

"Your friendship could be at stake, too, if you're not prepared." Momo put down his wrapper, gazing at it darkly. "Be sure that you both want to go that route."

"Once you're in, you can't come out." Yuki tucked his hair behind his ear again. "The public will always know you as gay — they will hate on your families, on your friends, on each of you, if they find out. And that goes for any relationship that they find out about right now, not just Sougo-kun and you."

 _They're right. I'm gay…_ It hadn't really sunk in yet for Tamaki. _But that's alright if I'm with Sou-chan._ "It is the route I want. But if he doesn't want it, that's okay. I just want him to be happy." Tamaki hung his head.

"Then talk to him about it when he's ready," Yuki said.

"Oh, but some people will still support you," Momo clarified. "Like some of the fans, probably your friends, even us. If something happens… we'll back you. Won't we, Yuki?"

"Absolutely."

Momo glanced at his cake, then stood, offering Tamaki a quick hug. "Thanks for opening up to us. I'm going to go see if Sougo's okay, alright?"

Tamaki hugged back. "Yeah, thanks for listening and being a good friend. You too, Yukirin."

"No problem," Yuki said. "Hurry back, Momo, or I just might have a bite of your cake."

"Oh no! Can't let that happen!" Momo laughed, waving at Tamaki, and went inside the cafe. He casually walked to the restroom, giving Sougo enough time to pop out on his own if he did.

When Sougo didn't come out, Momo peeked inside, glancing across the room. He spotted Sougo curled on the floor beside the sink. It didn't seem like anyone else was there.

"Hey," Momo attempted, stepping inside.

Sougo flinched at the sudden voice filling the previously silent room. He stood up and hastily wiped his tears away with the sleeves of his sweater, before looking at him. "M-Momo-san…" Sougo sniffled slightly but didn't want to appear weak in front of his senpai. "S-sorry that it took me so long."

Momo offered a gentle smile. "You're all good," he said. Momo glanced at his reflection in the mirror, considering something. "I uh, heard about what was going on between you and Tamaki. If you want to talk about it, know that you can trust Yuki and I. We don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, so sorry if we did back there."

"N-no, that's not— Wait. Y-you heard about it?!" Sougo turned his back to Momo and hugged his arms around himself. "Tamaki-kun said something, I assume? I-I know I can trust both of you, but…" He glanced at Momo over his shoulder. "I don't really know… what to say. And I don't know what to do anymore either…"

Momo made no move to come closer, no move to step away. He simply kept smiling. "Yuki got it out of him," he admitted. "Originally, Yuki wanted to have this get-together to help Tamaki work out his problems with you. Honestly… I know what it feels like to feel rejected, to think that I'm not good enough. I feel that every day, thinking that the only way for Yuki to be happy is to hide what I want."

Someone's voice sounded on the other side of the door, but no one tried to come in. Probably some customers.

Momo approached Sougo, speaking quieter. "I know insecurity… and it never stops hurting, no matter how much Yuki tries to comfort me. It's not easy. It doesn't go away." Momo huffed, his grin widening. "But Yuki loves me. And I love him, so we work things out together the best we can. Communication, you know? Only you can talk about your own feelings. No one else can do it for you."

Sougo stood in silence for at least a minute, deep in thought. He wanted to talk with someone about his feelings, but it wasn't as easy as it sounded. The words he wanted to say weighed down his tongue.

When Sougo opened his mouth to say something, his heart started pounding inside his chest. He felt like the moment he would start talking, he would sob again. He closed his mouth and swallowed before he tried once more.

Sougo turned slightly. He wasn't prepared to face Momo, but he also didn't want to seem rude by talking with his back to him.

"It really hurts," Sougo admitted in a quiet voice. "I… when I confessed, I was prepared to get rejected. But there was still this small glimmer of hope, you know? T-that he might have feelings for me too because we were so close."

Sougo stared at the ground, still holding his arms firmly, trying not to cry.

"But then Tamaki-kun's only response was that rule… that we weren't supposed to be in a relationship as idols… and… I know it can cause trouble, but..! If you really have feelings for someone, then it should be stronger than some outdated rule, right?" Sougo paused. "I'm sorry I got carried away."

Now that Sougo had started expressing his feelings, the words rushed out of him like a waterfall.

"I know T-Tamaki-kun doesn't like me that way. He probably just tried to be considerate by using the rule instead of rejecting me… but at that moment, I felt as if I could never be happy… as if I wasn't even allowed to."

Sougo couldn't hold his tears back anymore. They started falling again, so he covered his face with his hands.

"A-and when I tried to act normal around him, I always felt this pain in my chest because even if we were close, I could never be with him. I even became ill because of that… and then… I thought it was better to feel nothing…"

Silence.

It was nothing but the buzz of the lights, the pounding of Sougo's heart, his wracking sobs.

Rejection.

Loneliness.

Tamaki's stiffness, his anger, his confusion. The way Tamaki would look at Sougo, filled with teasing, something that Sougo could never have.

Desire, friendship, love.

It became too painful to bear — the never-ceasing thirst for things that were out of reach.

Silence — and then Momo put his hands on Sougo's shoulders. Gripped him firmly, squeezing to wake him, to remind Sougo he was alive. Right there.

"Sougo," Momo said, "look at me. Okay? I want you to look at me."

Sougo jumped. He was not used to physical contact, especially not when feeling so vulnerable. But somehow, in his state of insecurity, the firm grip felt… comforting.

He didn't want anyone to see his tear-stained face, but something in Momo's voice made him comply. Sougo let out a shaky breath, trying to calm his trembling, before slowly raising his head from his hands to look back at Momo.

Momo grinned kindly at him, an expression showing only acceptance, not disgust. "Alright, this is going to sound crazy, but I have a request for you." Momo gave Sougo one last squeeze, slowly letting go.

With a flourish, Momo gestured to the door, a confident gleam in his eyes.

"I want you to try talking to him one more time."

Sougo stared at the door like a deer in headlights, before shaking his head vigorously.

"I-I can't do that! E-every time I tried talking to him, he looked at me with that painful expression! And every time, it ended up hurting more than before," Sougo said. "And it doesn't make a difference anyway. He was the one who brought that rule up… He doesn't like me that way. It will not take the rule away just because I talk to him about it again!"

Sougo gripped his head.

"I can't… I just can't…" Panic crept into Sougo's mind, and his eyes widened in fear.

"Sougo." Momo kept his hand where it was, gesturing to the door, but this time he outstretched his other for Sougo. "Just trust me. We talked to him. I think you have nothing to fear. Come on, Sougo. Don't make him wait any longer."

"How can you be so sure..?" Sougo's voice still shook as he stared at the door. "I can't take it anymore. If it goes wrong again, I feel as if I would break once and for all…"

"Idols take risks, Sougo," Momo answered easily. "Every day we stand on stage, we could make a mistake. Every day we're on a talk show, we could say the wrong thing. Every time we're outside, the wrong image, the wrong comment, can ruin an idol's career."

Momo took his hand since Sougo wasn't moving, his fingers warm and robust over Sougo's clammy ones.

"But we sing anyway, don't we?" Momo said. "We sing. We dance. We smile. We love them, answering their call, spreading our magic. We take the risks that matter to us. And isn't knowing Tamaki's love something worth risking?"

Sougo thought that he had already taken enough risks in the last few weeks. His physical and mental health, Tamaki's friendship: just to name a few of them. And it didn't seem right to him to compare the loss of his career to his health.

He thought the latter was much worse.

Sougo knew Momo was just trying to encourage him. Despite that, he wasn't really looking forward to putting everything he had left at stake. But he also knew it couldn't go on like this.

He vaguely registered when Momo took his hand. _We sing anyway…_ Sougo repeated. He loved music, and he would keep doing it, even if the fans stopped supporting them. But was _this_ just as simple?

Sougo looked at him with an uneasy expression before looking back at the door. He swallowed audibly. "O-okay… let's go."

Momo just cast Sougo a beaming grin, leading him out of the restroom by the hand. He walked at Sougo's pace, perhaps a bit faster, and innocently acknowledged anyone who looked their way with a nod.

When Momo was sure Sougo wouldn't turn around and run, Momo opened the door for him, leading to their table. The wind had picked up slightly, but it was nice out, the sun still shining.

Yuki had his finger in Momo's cake when they returned, Tamaki having finished his taiyaki.

"W-wha— _Yuki!_ " Momo resisted the urge to run over there, visibly distressed. "You said you wouldn't!"

"I only wanted a little," Yuki said after licking the icing on his finger, lounging casually as he caught Sougo's worried expression. "Welcome back, Sougo-kun. Your coffee is getting cold."

Tamaki sat straight in his seat. He was glad they were finally back. "Sou-chan! Momorin!" He grinned.

Sougo gave everyone a quick glance before staring at the ground again. He didn't feel like sitting. It would be easier to run away from possible danger if he stood.

He had agreed to come back and to talk to Tamaki once more, but now that he was actually facing him again, he wasn't sure how to do it. _I don't know what to say or where to start. He already knows about my feelings. I don't know what he wants to hear from me now…_

He bit his lip before glancing back at Momo with a helpless look in his eyes.

But Momo seemed unfazed, simply putting a hand on Sougo's back and guiding him forward. Momo let the door swing shut behind them, giving him one last rub of support.

"Hey, Tamaki," Momo said, returning his greeting. "Hope Yuki treated you well while I was gone."

"Of course I did," Yuki said, moving to make room for Momo. "Sit down already, okay? I don't want people standing around while I eat."

"But you're done!" Momo said.

" _Your cake,_ " Yuki amended.

Yuki's words echoed inside Sougo's head: _I don't want people standing around while I eat._ It was an implied demand for him to sit down too. Since he couldn't simply disobey his senpai, Sougo hesitantly approached his seat and sat down.

He looked at his barely touched coffee before wrapping his hands around the cup and taking another sip of it. It was only lukewarm by now but not undrinkable.

Not knowing what to say, he decided to unwrap one of the biscuits. Sougo nibbled at it while gazing uncomfortably at the others.

Tamaki was a little confused. He thought Sougo went to the bathroom because he was embarrassed, but it seemed that Sougo went for a different reason. _His eyes are red too, but at least he seems better…_ "Yukirin treated me well. No worries, Momorin. We had time to talk."

He looked at Sougo. _Sou-chan is adorable when he eats._ It brought a smile to his lips. Tamaki figured he would say the wrong thing again, so he stayed quiet.

Momo sat too, pulling his cake towards himself pointedly. He pouted, but Yuki just smiled, and Momo couldn't be mad at that face.

"What Tamaki-kun means is that we _talked_ , Sougo-kun," Yuki said. "So I'm sure you have nothing to worry about between us. We're all friends, after all."

The way Yuki emphasized the word _talked_ made Sougo nearly choke on his biscuit, and he coughed, covering his mouth with his hand.

He knew Yuki was urging him to say something, but he really had no idea what to say and how to say the things Tamaki needed to hear. His shoulders stiffened, blood flowing with adrenaline.

"R-right," Sougo said nervously. He took a deep breath. "Tamaki-kun. Do you… do you want to talk? A-about us?"

Tamaki blushed. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Of course I do." He looked into Sougo's eyes. _I'm ready._

"O-okay…" Sougo averted his gaze and took several deep breaths before continuing. "I-I'm actually not sure how to do this."

_Maybe I should just tell him the things I told Momo-san… those seemed to work somehow._

"When… when I confessed, and you brought that rule up — you know which one — i-it really hurt because I thought I was never allowed to be happy as long as I was an idol… A-and after you rejected me, I thought it would be enough to stay close to you, just as friends."

Sougo swallowed. "I thought I could live with that. But it actually hurt even more! I got really depressed, and after that I-I decided to suppress those feelings to overcome the pain… A-and I put more distance between us, but the pain was still there, just locked away. And suddenly, I-I felt really lonely."

Somehow, Sougo felt more composed than when talking with Momo. Maybe it was because some of the pressure had already eased off.

Despite that, Sougo's body still trembled, and he felt tears welling up in his eyes. He tightly clenched his cup.

"Sou-chan…" Tamaki had a sad expression.

But.

It touched him.

"I know I'm not the best with words, but… You are always allowed to be happy." Tamaki gave a small smile, tears blurring his own eyes. "And," Tamaki swallowed. "I'm sorry I made you feel this way."

Tamaki looked at a bird that was perched on another table.

"At the time, I didn't know how to respond, so I avoided answering you. But I messed up..." Tamaki pressed his lips into a thin line. And the taiyaki wasn't making his stomach feel any better.

Tamaki clutched his hands. "The truth is, I needed some time to think. But now, I know. I think I can return your feelings, Sou-chan."

Sougo took a few more sips of his coffee while Tamaki was speaking, trying to calm his nerves. His eyebrows drew together in confusion, but his grip on the cup loosened slightly.

He blinked rapidly and looked at Tamaki in disbelief. "Wha- What? Do you really mean that? Because if not, I don't want to get my hopes up again... if you only said that out of pity for me."

"I mean it." Tamaki wanted to hug Sougo so badly.

_Do it. Coward._

He leaned over slowly and hugged Sougo, loose enough if he didn't want to.

Sougo felt the familiar body shape pressing against him and realized just at that moment how much he had missed it. He slowly wrapped his arms around Tamaki, before clinging on him for dear life.

"T-Tamaki-kun, I'm sorry…" Sougo's tears were finally falling again, but this time out of relief. _It still hurts, but maybe things will be better now._

Tamaki held him tightly but not so much as to hurt Sougo. He stroked Sougo's hair. _I missed this…_ "Sou-chan, I'm sorry too..." Tamaki whispered.

Sougo stayed like that for a few minutes with closed eyes, just breathing in Tamaki's scent and savoring the feeling of his warmth. When he had calmed down again, he suddenly remembered that they were still in public… and in front of their senpai, too.

He slowly backed out of the embrace and turned to Re:vale, his head lowered in a humble gesture, his cheeks red.

"I'm sorry that you had to witness this Momo-san, Yuki-san. And I'm very thankful for your help." He turned to Tamaki with a serious expression but a hint of a smile in his eyes. "Tamaki-kun, apologize to our senpai and show them your gratitude too."

Tamaki bowed his head. "I thank you very much, Yukirin! Momorin! For making us happy again!" He looked over to Sougo and beamed.

The idols had considerately leaned over the table while MEZZO" had their moment, Momo blushing and eating cake, Yuki propping his head up and smiling in adoration. Or amusement.

Anyway, they were supportive expressions.

"It was no trouble at all," Yuki said, sitting tall and clearing his side of the table. "As long as you repay us someday with another double-date."

"Yeah! That was super cute, you two!" Momo wiped the icing from his mouth, giggling quietly. "I wish you both the best moments! It's like seeing me getting together with Yuki again…"

"Was it like that?" Yuki's brows rose while he stood, gathering the trash from the table. "I seem to remember you begging me a lot more…"

"Ahaha, well. Close enough." Momo took the tray from Yuki, nodding at the MEZZO" members. "If you're fine with it, we'll head out. If you need a ride, we can drop you off or call someone in case you want to go to the mall. There's something I wanted to try with Yuki later, so."

Tamaki looked at Sougo. "Let's go on another with them. They need their payment." Tamaki laughed. "You wanna stay or go, too?"

"Ahh, yes, we can do that. Let's leave too. Where do you want to go, Tamaki-kun?" Sougo asked and downed the rest of his now cold coffee in a few gulps.

"Mall!" Tamaki jumped up. He saw Re:vale just about to cross the street.

"Bye! Let's do this again!" Tamaki called after them. _I wanna hug them too._

He ran after them and gave them a bear hug. "Thank you so much for everything," Tamaki whispered to them.

Re:vale hugged back and said it was no problem before they crossed the street.

While Tamaki was running after Re:vale, Sougo stood and walked back inside the cafe to return his cup. When he came out again, the other two idols had left, and Tamaki was waiting for him. _He looks happy now… Tamaki-kun must have been feeling really down because of all this too._

Sougo smiled a little as he approached his partner.

"Let's go," Sougo said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was **really** painful to write...  
> But in return the next one has a lot of fluff. :)


	4. Fragments of Love

**Fragments of Love [MEZZO" IDOLiSH7]**

Sougo and Tamaki walked side by side for a few minutes, chatting and enjoying the sunny weather. Suddenly, Sougo realized something.

"Um, Tamaki-kun? When you said you think you can return my feelings, does that mean you want it to be official? W-well, not in public, of course! Maybe just around our friends, if we want to tell them..?" Sougo asked nervously, playing with the hem of his sleeve.

Tamaki blushed. _I knew we would have to talk about this again, but I'm ready._ "Yeah... I wanna be together with you, for real." Tamaki smiled. _My heart is pounding._ "I trust our friends about this."

Sougo smiled in relief, softly bumping his shoulder against Tamaki's in a gesture of affection. They couldn't really do much in public, after all, so he had to stick to little hints.

"That makes me really happy. And I think we can trust them too," Sougo said. "So … I can call you my b-boyfriend now, right? Ahaha, I have to get used to this." Sougo laughed nervously and put his hand to his cheek in embarrassment.

Tamaki's eyebrows shot up. "Y-yeah, you can call me your boyfriend." The words felt foreign on his tongue. He bumped Sougo back. "I'm not used to this either, but … I love it."

Sougo just nodded. _I really want to touch him ... more … but that has to wait._

They arrived at the mall a minute later and stepped inside. It was brightly illuminated, rays of sunshine coming in through the skylights. It was crowded; some people were shopping, sitting on chairs by the indoor restaurants, or just standing around talking. Families with their children went past Sougo and Tamaki as they stood in the entrance hall.

Tamaki breathed in. _I love the smell the mall has … and shiny floors! ... What am I, a kid?_ He had to hold in a laugh. _Well, whatever._

"Anywhere you want to go?" Sougo asked, looking around at the different stores.

"Arcade!" Tamaki gave a shy smile. "Oh, but you don't like games…"

"It's not that I don't like them; I just never had time to try. But I always wanted to visit an arcade one day, actually," Sougo replied truthfully. He looked at Tamaki, curious.

"We have time now." Tamaki smiled, nudging Sougo. "Come on, I'll show you."

#

The two entered the arcade, looking around in awe at the many machines and consoles.

 _I'm home._ Tamaki remembered when he used to play with Aya and run around the arcade when they were kids. They were both too short, but that didn't stop them from having fun. They found out ways even without having money to spare. _Aya…_

Tamaki instinctively grabbed Sougo's hand. _I am not going to be sad. This is our day._ "Which one you wanna try?" He gave a smile.

"T-Tamaki-kun! We're still in public..!" Sougo nervously looked around. "If someone saw us like that, I'm sure we will cause trouble for Takanashi Productions…" He gave Tamaki's hand a short squeeze before drawing his own hand back. _Maybe someday we can be openly affectionate in public…_ He hoped in silence.

Sougo scanned the various machines in the arcade. There were all kinds of games he had heard of before: racing simulators, pinball, a dance floor, a claw machine, and much more. The flashing lights and sound effects were overwhelming. _Kind of like the lights in our lives..._

"I'm not really sure what to try," Sougo said. "There are so many… Is there an easy game for beginners? Or can you recommend something?"

"Oh, I like to play shooter games! 'Cause you feel like it's real. It's also easy! I think you will be good at it," Tamaki suggested. "It's that one over there! You can be a really cool anime girl, too!"

"Anime girl?!" Sougo questioned in bewilderment. "Why do I have to be a girl..?" _It sounds like something Nagi-kun would like._ Despite his confusion, Sougo followed him.

Tamaki laughed. "You can be an anime boy too."

"What do you even shoot in this game? Don't tell me it's a person..." Sougo swallowed.

"Ghosts. You are a ghost hunter." Tamaki pointed. "Here. It's this one."

It was like a big box that had a door cut out on both sides. The exterior was decorated with ghosts and anime characters posing with weapons. There was a built-in bench and a stand with two guns that were attached to the chairs by a wire. The screen was huge, which displayed the high scores of previous players; it was also playing creepy music.

 _So cool..!_ Tamaki said, "I never played it before but always wanted to try it! It's kinda scary, though, so I didn't want to play it by myself." _Sou-chan is here, so I don't gotta worry._

Sougo sighed in relief. It was strange being so close to Tamaki after keeping his distance for two weeks.

But it felt right.

 _Feels like coming home…_ Sougo was still insecure and afraid to get hurt again, but he trusted Tamaki.

Sougo went inside after Tamaki and sat down. "Why are there two guns? Can we play it together? And are there different levels, or does it just continue until you are defeated?" Sougo was brimming with questions.

Tamaki tipped his head. "It's been a few years since I've seen someone play it, but I think it keeps getting harder until you die. And yeah, it's a two-player! So I've got your back." Tamaki grinned and rested his hand on Sougo's lap.

Sougo blushed at the contact, realizing they were practically alone. He hesitantly lowered his hand on Tamaki's, looking everywhere except his face. _It's warm…_

Tamaki was glad they could finally be together again. Here, they wouldn't have to worry about other people watching. There were a few others in the arcade, but they seemed to be gaming hardcore.

A scream of an anime girl suddenly sounded from the speakers.

"G-gah!" Tamaki jumped. "S-s-sou-chan! W-what was that?"

Sougo didn't even bat an eye. "It's fine, Tamaki-kun. It's only a game, right?" He squeezed Tamaki's hand reassuringly.

Tamaki calmed at the touch. _It's still scary, though. But… Sou-chan can fight them off._ He blushed. "Y-yeah."

"So, how do you start a new round?" Sougo asked.

"You gotta put in the token and click start."

They only got a handful of tokens when they arrived. Tamaki didn't think it was enough if they were going to be gaming all day, but he didn't complain. As long as he could spend time with Sougo, he was okay.

Tamaki inserted a token, and the game came to life. He picked up the gun, not really knowing how to use it, but he figured it out. "I think you hold it like this, Sou-chan!"

Sougo took his own and tried to mimic Tamaki's pose, feeling a bit weird. "Like this?" He furrowed his brow.

Tamaki really had no idea, but he wanted to look cool in front of Sougo. "Mmm, kinda. More like this…" Tamaki pushed Sougo's arm up and supported his back. "Yeah, like that."

Sougo leaned into Tamaki's touch. _Ahh ... not good. I have to play, not cuddle._

Sougo pushed the start button by accident, and a menu appeared. "Wahh— Oh, I pressed something?" He stared at the screen and blinked.

"It's okay! We can pick our character now… I'm gonna be the cool guy on the left!" Tamaki put his cursor over the character, and a masculine voice sounded. _This is fun._

"I think I understand it now." Sougo picked a smart but slightly feminine boy with glasses. _He seems like he can outwit his enemies._

Sougo pointed at the screen. "We have to shoot the ghosts, right? And it works with motion control, so you have to aim at the correct angle and then press the shoot button?" he summarized. "But do we have to move our characters, or are they fixed? And we just have to hit the ghosts before they reach us?"

Tamaki hummed, thinking. _That's a lot of words..._ "You just kinda have to stand there. So, yeah! You got it!" He nodded. "Ready?"

"Ready!" Sougo nodded back and — feeling confident — pressed play.

It was nighttime in the game world. A thunderstorm raged in the background. The lightning flashed, illuminating the ghosts that were slowly floating toward them.

The ghosts all looked different: some had drowned, their forms pale and dripping water. Some had scars as if burned to death. Others were missing heads or had injuries with blood smeared all over their bodies.

They also made different noises, from low whining sounds to screeching or even laughing.

It was a gruesome sight.

Sougo tried to focus the gun's crosshairs on the ghosts nearest to him, clumsy at first. It was a good thing the ghosts were slow at the beginning, so he had time to get used to the motion control. He had always been a quick learner.

"I think I'm getting better at this!" Sougo said over the loud sound effects.

Sougo immersed himself in the game, slowly forgetting the real environment. He found a good rhythm and got more and more skillful.

But all Tamaki could think of was how scary this game was. He was only going off of reflexes. "AAAAAHH! S-s-sou-chan! This is s-scary!" He was basically in tears, yet he still tried to look tough. _There is no point when I'm making sounds like this—_

Tamaki's thoughts were interrupted by his health bar going in the red. "I'm gonna die! Sou-chan!" He went full force, but spamming the trigger didn't seem to help. The speaker made a loud "OOF", and Tamaki's character fell on the floor in a big heap.

It flipped a switch in Sougo's head. His eyes glazed over, a dark shadow shrouding his face.

" _How dare you kill Tamaki-kun_ ," he growled. Sougo didn't think anymore. His body acted on its own. He shot at high speed, beginning with those who defeated Tamaki.

A grin spread across Sougo's face, an evil laugh escaping his lips. "I'm _going to kill you all…_ "

 _Sou-chan's gone mad!_ Tamaki shivered at the thought of Sougo going insane if someone were to hurt him. "C-calm down, Sou-chan! I'm okay! I'm alive!" Tamaki gripped Sougo's sleeve.

The look on Sougo's face was sinister. It was then that Tamaki vowed to never upset Sougo ever again. Tamaki shuddered. _This was a mistake! But if he can get a high score, will we get a prize..?_

"Keep going, Sou-chan!" Tamaki cheered.

Sougo fought relentlessly. It seemed as if he would never go back to normal — until Tamaki rested his hand against Sougo's thigh.

Suddenly, Sougo's health bar emptied. And there was his character — lying on the floor as the ghosts attacked.

Sougo came back to his senses, breathing heavily, head hanging. His arm was trembling due to his tight hold on the gun. He let the toy drop to the floor, rubbing his palm to loosen the stiffness. He blinked in confusion and turned to Tamaki. "Umm … Tamaki-kun, what happened?"

Tamaki was silent for a few seconds, still unable to believe Sougo could be so aggressive. _Woah … good thing he is back to normal._ He cleared his throat and explained, "We were playing, and then I died. Then you went sicko-mode, and now we got fifth place!" Tamaki never knew Sougo would be so skilled at these games.

"A-ah? I went out of control again… Sorry if I scared you. But I'm glad we got fifth place!" Sougo found himself surprised that they even placed. They were beginners, after all.

"It was scary." Tamaki's expression was grave. "But kinda good!"

Sougo sat with a confused face. _What just happened._ "O-okay?"

Tamaki laughed. "Got you!" He patted Sougo's head, smiling. _I love being around him._ The thought brought some color to his cheeks. _More like he got me._

Sougo just blushed. _Ahh, I want to hug him… Too cute…_ Instead, he flexed his fingers. It was still hurting.

Tamaki looked down. _It's my fault…_ He sandwiched Sougo's hand in his, trying to comfort him. Aya used to do it when Tamaki got hurt. "Sorry, Sou-chan…"

Sougo tilted his head to the side. "Huh? Why are you apologizing? It's not your fault that I lost my composure." _Even though I have no idea what happened. This wasn't the first time I've gone out of control._

"Okay…" Tamaki still felt guilty.

Sougo rested a hand against Tamaki's arm, trying to reassure him. "Tamaki-kun… I'm okay; I actually had a lot of fun! I haven't felt this happy in a long time… So, thank you." He smiled.

"Sou-chan … I-I'm glad!" Tamaki found himself becoming a little emotional. He blinked away the tears that formed in the corner of his eyes.

Sougo leaned forward and gave Tamaki a hug. "Let's do this again sometime."

Tamaki hugged back. "Yeah..!"

He thought it was crazy awesome that Sougo could do so well in a game on his first try. It would have taken Tamaki weeks of playing to get such a high score. He never knew Sougo could be so skilled at games.

But now that Tamaki thought about it, Sougo was always good at being violent … and scary. Tamaki laughed. "Great job, Sou-chan! You're better than me at games now!" He held his hand up for a high five.

Sougo glanced back at the screen. "I still don't think that I'm better at games than you … it just wasn't the right one to show your skills. Maybe we should try something else before we go home?"

Instead of giving a high five, Sougo pulled Tamaki's raised hand towards himself and placed a kiss on Tamaki's knuckles. Sougo looked up into his eyes, a shy smile on his lips.

Tamaki blushed. _I want to kiss him, but we have to wait._ "Oh, y-yeah. You sure your hand is okay? I don't want it getting worse because of me." He placed his other hand on top of Sougo's. _It's not like he broke it. Shape up, Tamaki!_

"It's fine, it's just a bit stiff." Sougo smiled with his eyes closed. _Tamaki-kun is worrying too much… but this side of him is cute._

Tamaki cleared his throat. "And I thought we could try out the photo booth since today is special." He rested his forehead against Sougo's.

Tamaki's forehead was warm. It was pleasant to be so close, a feeling of unlimited trust. Sougo opened his eyes to stare back into Tamaki's blue ones. _Close…_ Sougo blushed himself.

"Sure, why not. I want to take some souvenir photos of the day 'Yotsuba Tamaki' became my boyfriend." Sougo smirked. _I'm getting bolder._ Maybe it was the relaxed atmosphere, or that he could finally be himself again, or just the way Tamaki's eyes were sparkling.

Sougo didn't really know.

Tamaki didn't think he would ever get used to being called Sougo's boyfriend. It made him feel embarrassed… but also incredibly, stupidly happy. "You know, I think you are really pretty."

 _IT SLIPPED_.

"I m-mean your eyes. And you… I'm gonna stop talking now." Tamaki pulled away slightly.

Sougo blushed even deeper at the compliment, overwhelmed with joy. "Th-thank you. To be honest, you're handsome yourself … and not just your face." His gaze wandered down Tamaki's body. Sougo's mouth watered when he thought of the times Tamaki went around shirtless, his trained muscles glistening with sweat.

 _No wonder he is on the list of men you want to be embraced by…_ And this incredible, stupid, sexy, cute, sometimes annoying, yet charming Tamaki was his _boyfriend_.

Sougo really felt like the happiest man alive.

Tamaki heated. _He likes what he sees…_ "A-ah, thanks." He patted Sougo's head and said, "Let's go."

"Yes! Let's go," Sougo said and followed Tamaki out of the shooter game.

Tamaki grinned. "I wanna get three rolls of pics! Oh, can we put the extra stickers on them too?"

"I have no idea how those booths work. I've never been to one. Today is a day of firsts, right?" Sougo laughed at how excited Tamaki was.

"Oh, really? I'll show you then!" Tamaki ran ahead.

They went into the booth and looked around. It was a rather small room with a screen on one side.

Sougo stepped closer. "So … what do you have to do? And what extra stickers were you talking about?"

Tamaki felt uncomfortable being in such a small area with bright lights in his face. But, that was a given. "Oh, these are kinda complicated. Here, I'll do it for us."

Tamaki explained to Sougo how to operate the machine and asked, "Wanna do the couple poses?"

"Wha— What kind of couple poses?" Sougo asked nervously. He could only imagine a few, and even those were embarrassing... Not that he wasn't willing to try. But they had only been together for what? A few hours? Sougo needed to mentally prepare himself first.

"Oh, uh, I don't know," Tamaki said. "We can click the randomizer! That way, it will go faster. I think they are just like cute little poses. Probably nothing _too_ intense."

Tamaki didn't really know how relationships were supposed to work. The only experience he could consider was the fanfiction he read over the years and the random girls that asked him out. They were probably not a good source of information, but it was better than nothing.

"Hmm … okay, we could try it," Sougo said. "But I still don't fully understand how this works. Do the poses show up on the screen, and you have to mimic them or something? And how much time do you have before the photo gets shot?" Sougo asked before he could try anything out. He didn't want to make any mistakes.

Of course, Sougo found out you could also learn from mistakes, but that didn't stop his father from yelling at him when he did something wrong. Hence he was cautious before he tried something new.

"Yeah, they show a picture of the pose, and then you can copy. But you can make your own if you don't like what they got!" Tamaki grinned. "And usually, it gives you fifteen seconds because sometimes you have to fix your hair or something. Of course, you can set the timer for less or more if you want."

"Okay, sounds good. It's similar to our photo shootings then. The poses are like the instructions from the cameraman. It's just not for work, but for fun this time." Sougo deduced with a smile on his face.

"Yeah, like that!" Tamaki agreed.

"I don't know how much time we will need, so I trust you to enter the right settings. I'm ready when you are." Sougo stepped closer to Tamaki, their arms brushing.

Tamaki blushed. "Alright then! I'll set it to ten seconds." He entered the commands into the screen, and before long, the first pose showed up. A female voice counted down from ten.

"Hug from behind?" Tamaki stepped behind Sougo and wrapped his arms around his waist, chin resting on Sougo's head.

A sound of surprise escaped Sougo's lips. They hadn't even started for real, and right at the beginning, they had to do such a pose… He felt Tamaki's body pressing against Sougo's from behind, completely framing him.

A warm feeling spread in Sougo's stomach. He leaned back, resting his hands on Tamaki's arms. He fought the urge to close his eyes, relishing the warmth of their connection, and instead forced himself to look into the camera, a content expression on his face.

They heard a shutter sound when the first photo was taken. Shortly after that, a new pose showed up on the screen before the countdown started anew.

 _A … a cheek kiss._ Sougo got embarrassed again. _Come on, it's not that hard. You already gave him a kiss on the hand earlier, right?_ But somehow it was different when he knew there would be a photo taken… Besides that, it was on Tamaki's face and, therefore, closer to his mouth. It was a valid reason for him to be anxious!

Sougo cast his nervousness aside and stepped out of the embrace. He turned towards Tamaki and waited until the countdown reached three seconds, so he didn't have to hold the position for long. He rested one of his hands on Tamaki's shoulder, before standing on his tiptoe. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss on Tamaki's cheek just as the photo was taken.

Tamaki tried to keep a firm expression even though his insides were screaming. _Look cool… Tamaki!_ But it was too late. All he could think about was the silly expression of giddiness he had.

The next picture shocked Tamaki. "P-proposal..?" He had to hurry. There were only six seconds left. Tamaki got down on one knee and pretended to hold out a ring. "M-marry me, Sou-chan."

"T-Tamaki-kun! That's a bit…" _Too much!_ Sougo's face became a dark shade of red that even spread to his ears. One of his hands flew up to cover his mouth in shock, the other clenched his chest, trying to calm his racing heart.

"O-oh..? Sorry, Sou-chan. I didn't know it was going to pick that. It was random, remember?"

"I-I know. It was just a bit of a shock," Sougo stammered.

Sougo felt out of breath. Of course, deep inside, he knew that it was just for the pose, but that didn't stop his mind from panicking because it looked so _real_.

He didn't even realize when the photo was shot until Tamaki stood up again. _I need a short break, just for one round._

Sougo stepped towards Tamaki without looking at the screen and wrapped his arms around Tamaki's back. Sougo snuggled into his partner's chest and closed his eyes. _Let me just stay like this for a moment…_

"W-wha?" Tamaki sucked in a breath, hugging Sougo back. He was confused as to why they weren't following what was on the screen, but he really didn't care. The poses were optional, anyways.

They could hear another picture being taken.

"Wanna try one last one?" Tamaki asked.

Sougo pulled back to look into Tamaki's eyes. _Somehow he has become softer and more aware of people's feelings. When we first met, he was a lot rougher._ Sougo smiled at him endearingly. "Alright … I'm ready for one last try."

Tamaki pat Sougo's head. "Okay," he kindly said. _It's been easier to smile when I'm with Sou-chan…_

By then, two pictures had been taken, and they were on their last one. It was…

"Holding face? 'Kay," Tamaki chuckled, caressing Sougo's cheeks with his hands. _He's warm._

Sougo put his hands over Tamaki's and leaned into the touch. _It's like that one time in the rain but the other way around._ He gazed at Tamaki with half-lidded eyes and a light blush. _I really want to go home after this, so we can have some private time._ He swallowed at the thought.

The sound of the last shot reached their ears. Sougo stared into Tamaki's eyes without moving before asking, "That was the last one, right?"

"Yeah. We can get our pictures now and go home!" Tamaki whooped. He took Sougo's hand as they made it out of the booth. He suddenly remembered the stickers. "Oh, we still have to decorate our pictures! I'll do it real quick."

Tamaki went back inside and hurried to make the photographs pretty, decorating with stickers of hearts and stars. He even put a four-leaf clover for his name.

He looked over all of the photos, his eye catching on the cheek kiss. _Woah, we look so happy. And … red._ He smiled. He finished up and ran back out, showing Sougo.

"Look, Sou-chan! They turned out great!"

#

They left the mall with their _very special_ pictures in hand and made it back to Takanashi Productions. The sun was setting as they walked side-by-side on the street.

Tamaki thought it was safe enough for them to be close since no one was around. Sougo's face was illuminated by the sunset. "U-um, Sou-chan..? Thank you a lot for today. I'm glad you were able to open up … and I'm glad I did too." He slowly reached for Sougo's hand.

Sougo carefully looked around to see if there was anyone who could witness them. Even if there was no one, it was still risky to get too close in public. There could be paparazzi hiding somewhere, or someone who recognized them could show up.

But there wasn't a single soul, and at the moment, he really didn't care. _Well, I guess even if someone sees us, we could justify it by saying it's fanservice since many fans say we're i7's Re:vale…_

Sougo let Tamaki take his hand, and they laced their fingers together. "Yes, I'm glad too. We have to thank Yuki-san and Momo-san again the next time we see them. I … finally feel better after the last few weeks."

A warm breeze blew through Sougo's hair, and the first street-lights were turning on. "I'm lucky that I met you, Tamaki-kun."

Tamaki blushed. "M-me too. I'm glad you feel better now. You were really worrying me." He walked closer to Sougo, as if afraid to lose him again. _I really can't believe Sou-chan did a complete turn around in a day. Am I dreaming? This is amazing…_ Tamaki looked both ways before they crossed the street.

"Tamaki-kun … you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm here." Sougo gave Tamaki's hand a squeeze.

"Yeah … thanks." Tamaki smiled and squeezed back.

#

They arrived at Takanashi Productions just as the stars started poking out behind the clouds.

"Do you wanna tell them about us?" Tamaki asked sheepishly as they were still holding hands.

"M-maybe not right away … but yes, eventually," Sougo answered before unwillingly drawing his hand back so they could enter the dorms. They didn't want the others to notice the new stage in their relationship.

"We're home," Sougo called when they stepped through the door.

He didn't get an answer, so he slipped out of his shoes and walked into the living room, finding it unoccupied. That was when he remembered Yamato, Mitsuki, and Nagi had a late-night job. Sougo didn't know where Riku and Iori were. _Hmm … maybe they're in their rooms, or they went out too?_

Tamaki usually was the one to tell everyone he was home right away, but he was too embarrassed this time. _Hmm, I wonder where everyone went. Wait, that means it's just Sou-chan and me…_ He couldn't help but smirk. _Stop thinking about things!_

Sougo swayed, the exhaustion of the day finally overtaking him. It was too much: the tension in his body, the emotional outbursts, the rush of adrenaline, the sudden drop afterward, the loss of control in the arcade, and the embarrassment. It was enough to make anyone just lay down and take a nap.

Tamaki caught Sougo before he could fall. "Woah, you okay?"

"Ah, I'm okay. Just a little tired after today…" Sougo rested his head against Tamaki's shoulder, a wave of dizziness coming over him.

Tamaki pat Sougo's head. "Me too… A lot of stuff happened."

Sougo tried to stifle a yawn. "Ahhh… Do you want to come to my room and watch a DVD together? I have to change into something more comfortable first," he suggested to his new boyfriend.

"I'd love to watch it with you." Tamaki grinned. _I've become nice lately… I'm a better man_. "I'll wait in your room while you change."

Sougo accompanied Tamaki to Sougo's room and took some neatly folded clothes out of his drawer. "You can pick a DVD then. I have multiple of TRIGGER and Re:vale, but I also have some unrelated to music. Just choose the one you like. I'll be right back," Sougo suggested before he left for the bathroom.

"'Kay," Tamaki called.

 _This is the second time I'm in Sou-chan's room by myself._ He took the photos out of his pocket and placed the pictures on Sougo's dresser. He walked over to the bookcase and looked at the different DVDs he could choose from.

"Haven't seen this one before." Tamaki picked it out and read the title aloud," 'Pulling the TRIGGER… Heh, kinda funny."

He flipped it over and read the back… Well, more like looked at the pictures.

 _So cool..!_ Tamaki always felt a pang of jealousy when looking at Ryuu; he envied the way Sougo looked at him like he was the most amazing thing in the world.

Tamaki wanted Ryuu's looks, his kindness, his sexiness… _Sou-chan likes me for who I am. I don't have to be as good as Ryuu-aniki; life isn't a competition._ The thought brought warmth into him.

#

Sougo used his last bit of strength to clean himself up and brush his teeth before changing into shorts and a T-shirt. He already knew that he would be too exhausted to do anything after watching the movie, so he had to take care of it now.

 _Today was really tiring, but I still want to spend more time with Tamaki-kun._ Just a few hours ago, he wouldn't have ever dreamed of this outcome.

Sougo rubbed his eyes when he came back into his room. "Have you picked something out, Tamaki-kun?" he asked before sitting down on the edge of his bed, crossing his legs.

Tamaki turned around. "Sou-chan! I want this one." He made it over to Sougo and handed him the movie. "It looks exciting."

"Ahh, Pulling the TRIGGER." Sougo smiled when he thought of the countless hours of joy his TRIGGER collection had provided him with.

Tamaki sat down next to Sougo. _I remember when Sou-chan confessed to me right here._ He felt it was ironic since this time, _Tamaki_ was the one to confess to Sougo. He felt nostalgic. _But it's okay; we don't have to hold back anymore since Sou-chan is better now._ He leaned against Sougo.

Sougo felt Tamaki's weight settle against his side, and they stayed like that for a while. _I still have to get up to insert the DVD, though…_ Sougo sighed before forcing himself to stand up. "Make yourself comfortable while I put the movie on."

Tamaki scooted back and got under the covers. _I haven't cleaned up yet. At least my shoes are off. I'll do it after the movie… Wait, when did I start caring about these things?_ He stifled a giggle. _I'm turning into Sou-chan._

"Is it scary?" Tamaki asked, resting his head against the pillow so he could see the screen. He, too, was feeling the after-effects of the day.

"No, not really. It's an action movie, actually," Sougo answered while he got it set up.

"Ahh, good. I've had my fill of ghosts for today."

Sougo couldn't help but laugh. Memories of Tamaki being scared to death while playing the shooter game came flooding back. _It was so cute…_ "Ahaha, I'm sure. Though they weren't _that bad._ "

"W-wha?! That's 'cause you killed them all before you could see anything!"

"Ehh? But they aren't really alive, to begin with, so there's no way I could have killed them. All I did was put them back to their resting place," Sougo said in a thoughtful voice. The main menu appeared on the screen, one of TRIGGER's songs playing softly.

Tamaki thought about it. "Ahh, something like that… Hey! You changed the subject!"

"Ah, I did?" Sougo turned to look at him. His heart jumped at the sight of Tamaki sitting on Sougo's bed under the lavender covers; a feeling of possessiveness shot through him. _His_ Tamaki was covered with _his_ blanket. He swallowed, grabbing the remote and dimming the lights. "B-but anyways, I think you will like it."

Tamaki pouted, feeling like he lost the fight. _Sou-chan's acting weird again. Maybe I did something._ He shifted the pillow under his head. "Seems like it'll be good! I'm excited to watch."

"Heh, it's one of my favorites," Sougo said before hesitantly climbing on the bed, moving to the side closer to the window. It made him feel safe to be between the wall and Tamaki.

Sougo pressed play, and the warning to watch from a far distance sounded from the screen. He felt a little nervous, and his thoughts ran wild. Even though Tamaki had been in his room many times before, it was different since they were together.

It made Sougo happy he was there. All he wanted was to make sure Tamaki was all his.

He slipped under the covers and slowly cuddled up against Tamaki so as not to startle him. He rested his head against Tamaki's chest and looked up at him with sparkling eyes.

 _I want to tell him again… This time I don't have to be afraid anymore._ Sougo screwed up his courage once again. He spoke in a soft and affectionate voice, dropping the usual honorific, "Tamaki, I love you so much… "

Tamaki's breath hitched in his throat. That was the first time Sougo had used his name. It made Tamaki feel … important. He felt like he wanted to cry.

"Sougo…"

He felt like it was okay to use Sougo's name too.

Tamaki smoothed out Sougo's hair. _I do too…_ but Tamaki would never say something like that out loud. At least, not at that moment. He didn't feel brave enough to tell Sougo just yet. _You are special to me, Sou-chan._ He shifted so he could hug Sougo, burying his face into him. _My heart is pounding._

Sougo wrapped his arms around Tamaki to hug him back, snuggling closer into his boyfriend's chest. Satisfied, he closed his eyes and listened to the beating of Tamaki's heart. _He's nervous._ But oddly enough, the fast and steady rhythm calmed Sougo.

Sougo sighed contentedly, forgetting the world around them and enjoying their shared moment.

Tamaki felt incredibly warm under the covers and under Sougo. _I like this._ He never liked the heat, but this felt good. _I want to kiss him._ The thought made him blush.

The sound of Ryuu's voice came from the TV, "I'm _going to take you on a ride…_ " It was in the middle of a love scene.

Tamaki panicked a little. "W-woah!" He had to look away to avoid getting even more embarrassed. _I thought it was action?!_

Whenever there was a romance scene in a movie, Tamaki would always be uncomfortable. Or perhaps, it made Tamaki feel lonely and jealous.

Before Tamaki knew it, he was already caressing Sougo's cheek, looking into his eyes. "I want to kiss you."

Sougo's gaze flickered from Tamaki's eyes to his lips, lingering there for a few seconds, before looking up again.

"You know … you don't have to ask me for that." Sougo chuckled slightly, a seductive glint in his eyes. He slowly brought his head closer to Tamaki's until Sougo's breath grazed Tamaki's lips. Sougo stopped there, staring into Tamaki's eyes with a sultry look of his own and gave Tamaki the chance to make the final move.

" _Okay…_ "Tamaki breathed. And with that, Tamaki closed the distance.

Sougo tilted his head slightly to the side and wrapped his arms around Tamaki's neck before closing his eyes. His lips moved against Tamaki's, careful not to let their teeth clash.

Tamaki closed his eyes, leaning into Sougo. He put his arm around Sougo's waist, drawing him closer.

Sadly the kiss didn't last long before they broke apart again. It was all wet and sloppy, but gentle, and Tamaki and Sougo loved every second of it.

Sougo leaned back to catch his breath, heart hammering in his chest. _That was my first kiss… It felt so good._

The movie was long forgotten, and Sougo didn't even hear the voices coming out of the speakers anymore. It was the first time in his life that his mind was blocking out TRIGGER. Instead, he was just focusing on Tamaki and the heat radiating between them.

Tamaki's chest heaved. "Sou … chan." He didn't want to think about anything. All he wanted was to stay with Sougo forever. Nothing in the world could match the happiness he felt.

" _Tamaki-kun…_ " Sougo breathed. _I want to try something…_ He leaned in for another kiss, smiling into it when Tamaki returned it hesitantly. Sougo began sucking and licking Tamaki's lower lip until his lips parted in a gasp.

Sougo took the opportunity to enter Tamaki's mouth with his tongue. Both of their tongues slid against each other, sending pleasurable shivers down Sougo's spine. _He tastes sweet… Must be the taiyaki from earlier._ He tried not to moan into the kiss.

Tamaki lost it and melted; he could feel his whole body on fire … and it didn't help that they were both under the covers. Every little movement made him want to keep going … but not _too_ far.

He put his final seconds of breath into deepening the kiss, a little moan escaping before pulling away. They were both breathing heavily.

"Sou-chan…" Tamaki held Sougo's face with one hand.

Sougo felt his chest swell at the familiar pet name, placing a hand over Tamaki's and nuzzling him.

That was when he had an idea.

"Tamaki-kun … do you want to sleep here tonight? J-just sleeping, of course! Like we did a few weeks ago…"

He cursed himself for blushing after all the things they had already done in the past few hours.

"Because I don't really remember the last time, and I want to make new memories." _And this time sober…_ Sougo fidgeted with his fingers. "Besides that, I don't really want you to leave," Sougo admitted sheepishly.

_Sleeping with..? Oh._

Tamaki was disappointed.

 _Wait, what am I thinking!_ He shook the thought away and instead said, "Sure. I'd love to." _When did I become so polite? Sou-chan must have made me into a better man…_

 _Tamaki-kun wants to … and without a dare this time._ _All of this feels like a dream._ Sougo was sure he would only believe this was real if he woke up next to Tamaki in the morning. He smiled, knowing that he won't be alone anymore.

Tamaki took Sougo's hands in his, trying to calm him. "And I'll always be here, Sou-chan. Forever and always…"

With that, Tamaki went in for another kiss. He slowly moved to be on top of Sougo, one hand behind Sougo's head, the other holding himself up. Tamaki's legs were on either side of him.

Sougo felt trapped … but in the right kind of way. He threaded his fingers into Tamaki's soft blue hair, keeping him as close as possible.

Their bodies pressed together, and Tamaki surrounded Sougo from all sides.

Sougo's senses were full of _Tamaki._ His warmth, his smell, the taste on Sougo's tongue, and the muffled sounds escaping Tamaki's lips. It sent little sparks through Sougo's body, and he shivered.

Now that Tamaki became dominant, Sougo wanted nothing more than to submit to him. A warm feeling pooled in his stomach, and this time he couldn't keep in a needy moan. _Not good… This is turning me on…_ Sougo's lids fluttered, and tears formed in the corners of his eyes. _We have to stop before this goes too far._ Even though he really wanted to keep going, it was still too soon.

When they broke apart again, Sougo put one of his hands on Tamaki's chest to prevent him from continuing.

"L-let's… take a little … break." Sougo found it hard to speak, his chest heaving from holding his breath.

Tamaki wanted to keep kissing Sougo but forced himself to stop. "Y-yeah," he stammered.

He slowly got off of Sougo. It was hard for him to move.

That was when reality sunk in: _Did I really just..? I just kissed Sou-chan._ And _with tongue. No way this is real. But Sou-chan is sober, he wanted that for real… and he wants me to stay here tonight._ Tamaki blew out a shaky breath; His head hit the pillow and pushed his hair off his forehead.

He had a stupid kind of smile on.

Sougo's brain was still on stand-by, processing all the different sensations, so he tried to rest for a while. _This was the best thing I did in my life…_

When his breathing steadied, he rolled over to look at Tamaki. _I'm glad I can finally be with Tamaki-kun… I'm so happy he loves me back._

Sougo smiled softly, tears of relief rolled down his cheeks, and he reached out a hand to caress his lover's face.

Tamaki hated seeing Sougo cry; it made Tamaki feel useless. He brushed the tears from Sougo's eyes. "Don't cry, Sou-chan. I'm here," he urged.

"Tamaki-kun ... thank you for everything." Sougo buried his face into Tamaki, breathing his scent.

Tamaki hugged back before they pulled apart again. The movie was now at some action scene. _How did I not hear anything..?_ "What did I miss?" he asked.

"I … have no idea. I didn't even notice that the movie was still on, to be honest." Sougo propped himself up to get a better look at the TV. It was difficult. His exhaustion from earlier had increased tenfold after their _activities_.

He recognized the scene that was on screen and told Tamaki precisely what happened to that point since Sougo knew the whole movie by heart.

After that, Sougo sank back into his pillow, sighed tiredly, and closed his eyes.

"Oh, I see… You look sleepy. You wanna stop the movie?" Tamaki brushed a strand of hair from Sougo's forehead.

Sougo muttered a small sound of approval. He was already starting to drift off, so he forced himself to open his eyes again. "Can't stay awake much longer…" He just needed sleep.

And Tamaki.

Preferably in his arms.

They could finish the movie another time and discuss when to tell the others about their new relationship the next day. Sougo sleepily blinked at Tamaki, his eyes full of love.

"Ah, okay. I can turn it off for you." Tamaki reached for the remote on the dresser, turning off the TV. The room went dark.

"Mmm, thanks…" Sougo snuggled the covers.

"I gotta clean up real quick. I'll be back." Tamaki leaned over and kissed Sougo on the cheek, before he left to take a shower.

Tamaki saw himself in the mirror. _Woah…_ His face was red, and his hair was a mess. _We_ _really_ _got_ _into_ _it. Sou-chan…_ Welp, that didn't help his face. He shook himself and took off his clothes, stepping into the shower; the water felt cold despite it being all the way on the hot setting. He then brushed his teeth and changed into his nightclothes.

He made it back to Sougo's room to find him sleeping.

Tamaki carefully laid next to Sougo to not wake him. _He's beautiful when sleeping…_ He put an arm around Sougo, feeling warm again.

Sougo subconsciously moved closer to Tamaki, nuzzling his face into the inviting warmth of his boyfriend's chest. "Love … you … Tamaki…" he quietly mumbled in his sleep before he went silent again.

He drifted off deeper into his slumber, for the first time in weeks having sweet dreams.

"Sou-chan…" Tamaki said softly before he, too, fell asleep.

#

The next morning, they had decided to tell the other members about their relationship and got a positive response from them. Tamaki and Sougo would still have to keep their relationship on the low, but … as long as they were together, they didn't care.

_"I love you too … Sougo."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading our I Want to Tell you! It was honestly pretty hard to write at times with the angst ahaha. Though it all payed off in the end! Hope you enjoyed it as much as we did writing! Thanks for everything!~


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